Forgiveness - The Oil That Lubricates Any Love Relationship
By David & Maureen Brown
Why do we need to forgive?
All his life David has been very interested in engineering, good engineering. Engineers invent and build things that enable them, and others, to overcome obstacles to moving forward.
The old engineers constructed canal systems to take goods to ports getting around, through or over any obstacles. Railway and bridge engineers built mighty locomotives and structures that still influence the way we travel today. There are many examples of what engineers did achieve that are still of benefit to us.
In so much engineering a piece of machinery is needed to do a specific job, a beam engine to pump water from a mine is an example. That engine has many separate moving parts each of which is reliant on other parts working in harmony to be efficient and effective. In that harmony various parts connect and move together and by so doing friction is created and heat builds up. If this heat build up is not checked then a breakdown will occur as the pieces either seize together or catch fire!
Even our ancestors recognised that in these circumstances some form of lubricant was required to cool down the parts, often water! Later a better lubricant was found to be oil and without this modern society would quickly grind to a halt. Oil keeps our wheels turning and engines rotating. However, in carrying out this lubricating work the oil itself becomes contaminated with small particles that if not cleaned out by a filter will cause damage to the very parts it is to protect.
Within any love relationship there has to be a time when ‘falling in love’ has to be transformed into ‘loving’ as various parts of our once individual lives start to connect and move together. This is quite some step that equips us to handle an ever changing and developing relationship into the future. Without this change ‘love’ will simply never fully develop and blossom to become what it really is meant to be. In this change things happen!
It has been said that you can tell when the honeymoon is over when your lover is no longer “absolutely perfect” but is now spoken to with “The trouble with you is…..” In this change we start to hurt the one we love and are hurt in return. We begin to delve into our more innermost and secret parts, parts that in courtship we have, probably, not exposed to our loved one. Suddenly we begin to feel resentment at what we are receiving and start feeling things like “How can he/she think and say things like that to me when I love him/her so much?” Before we know quite what is happening our emotions begin to take over and disagreements start over ‘nothing’ which escalate into heated arguments.
It is at these times we have to apply some ‘lubricant’ to cool the situation down and make our relationship work more smoothly and sweetly. Time to stand back and reflect that there are always two sides in any disagreement and we are both in this together! No doubt in any disagreement we can feel aggrieved and hold that against our partner, feeling justified in our actions and thoughts. By so doing bitterness and resentment can well up within us even though, possibly, we may have ‘forgiven’ our partner. Or have we?