Money makes the world go around!
By Kate
Could this be you?
Darren and Clare had always found money an issue to avoid. Clare found it all to easy to spend money, but as the time approached for the monthly bank statement to arrive, she got tense, anxious and fearful, because she hadn’t told Darren. Darren was self-employed. Cash flow problems led him to use his credit cards and run up some sizeable debts. He judged himself a failure and felt defensive, because he couldn’t support his family better. He felt angry each time he discovered Clare had overspent again and not told him. Other frictions in their relationship made it hard for them to sit down and discuss their problems rationally. They both felt hopeless and isolated.
Peter and Rose both came from broken homes. They missed out on a lot of schooling and didn’t feel confident in keeping track of their money or dealing with folks like the electricity board or the local council from whom they rent their house. Money problems came to a head early on in their marriage. Peter’s job didn’t pay well and, even with the benefits they were entitled to, it seemed hard to make ends meet. They often forgot important bills coming in and had nothing in reserve to pay. Fortunately they had good friends who sat down with them and talked things through. Rose found she had the best head for figures and started keeping simple accounts and recording the time bills were due in a diary. They found ways to pay for electricity as they went, by using a key system. They decided to save up before they bought something new instead of paying on credit.
Tom and Ellen were really well off. They both earned a good salary. Ellen had stayed at home for the children until they were at secondary school and then she wanted to go back to work. She thought this would give her some independence and she was bored with being at home. They each had separate bank accounts and a joint one for housekeeping, mortgage and holidays. They each paid in a percentage of their salary and the rest went into their own account to spend as they liked. Tom was slightly jealous, because Ellen was soon earning more than him, despite the gap in her career. He began to draw out small amounts of money from their joint account to spend on his hobby without telling her. Occasionally he put some “on the horses”. Ellen began to be suspicious, when she saw the statements, but she was running up huge bills on her credit card and was worrying about what to do about it, so she was afraid to say anything. The suspicion and guilt began to spill over into the rest of their lives. They began to argue more frequently. They felt lonely and isolated from each other. When a new pretty secretary started in his department, Tom began to find excuses for staying late in the office…
It’s surprising how difficult many of us find it to talk about money. We often have very strong feelings about our possessions and the amount of money we can ear or have to spend. Some people are generous and laid back in money matters, others are cautious and like to know where every penny goes. Some spend money to help them feel better. Others feel secure when they have a big fat bank balance. Some people like to use cash when they buy, others prefer credit cards. Some folk like to save up to buy something special. Others prefer to buy now and pay later.
On the following page are some questions that may help you to understand your own and each other’s attitude to money. You can answer them on your own or you can download them and have a copy each. If you do that, it’s a good idea to answer the questions individually and then swap them over and identify areas you may need to talk through.
