When a Mother Leaves Work
By Melissa Hill
Administrative dependence
The third frightening surprise that couples confront is their practical dependence upon each other. Not only are wives at home dependent upon their husbands to pay the bills, but fathers are dependent on mothers to maintain the intellectual property of the family. Who else knows how the car seat works, which vegetables the children prefer, or how to gracefully survive potty training?
It is worth discussing with your partner what would happen if one of you passed away. Husbands can then be put through ‘survival training’ in looking after the kids, if that is what is needed. Wives, in turn, can be given a list of who to call or where to get legal help. Whatever the case, examining what each partner fears most in having to go it alone will enable you to prepare for such a worst-case scenario.
The single-income marriage necessarily introduces elements of dependence. In society today, money is regarded more highly than anything else, which can cause friction when one partner is not earning any money at all. A husband needs to be sensitive to what can cause the mother at home stress. The slightest effort, even just an assuring word, from him to address her worries can encourage his wife to find ways to make her time at home a time of joy, rather than stress, for the whole family. Likewise, the wife at home needs to be aware that her husband may be nervous about his new status as the sole breadwinner. Talk about your fears as they arise. In this way you can help each other through a commonly stressful time.
Melissa Hill is the author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Staying at Home