Becoming a Parent-in-law - a life transition
By Dan and Mari Greenwood
Understanding Temperament Differences (cont.)
Another way of understanding what we are like describes the following fundamental differences in peoples’ personalities.
Extroverts tend to turn outwards, and recharge their personal batteries through contact with others.
Introverts tend to turn inward and recharge their batteries through ‘time out’.
People in each of the next two groups have strengths that can be used collaboratively. Each person needs to appreciate the good points of the other personality type and realise that they can complement each other well.
‘Get-it-done people’ tend to be factual, observant and detail-loving, living in the present moment.
‘Thinker-uppers’ tend to be imaginative and speculative, broad picture people, living in the future.
We each fit more into one or other of the next two groups, and many will be predominantly ‘head’ or ’heart’ people, which will influence the way they behave in the family.
‘Head before heart’ people are analytical and objective.
They give more attention to ideas or things than to relationships, and they may neglect and hurt other people’s feelings without knowing it.
‘Heart before head’ people are subjective and concerned with the human situation, valuing peace and harmony.
They like to please people and work for peace.
They dislike conflict and become upset by arguments,
but they can be hurtful to others when they speak without thinking.
In the next two groups people may find it difficult to work together. However understanding that their basic natures are very different should help them to grow in tolerance and find acceptable ‘middle-ground’ in planning things.
Organised, decisive people, like to have a plan and stick to it.
Sudden, unexpected change is hard for them.
Freedom-loving, ‘slow-to-make-decisions’ people enjoy flexibility.
They can actually help others to consider options,
but may start many projects and not complete them.
Additionally at different times and in different circumstances people may be:
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Great Talkers
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Good Listeners
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Gregarious
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Solitary
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Trustful
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Wary
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Confident
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Insecure
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Decisive
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Relaxed
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Stressed
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Flexible
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Rigid
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Energetic
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Practical
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Easily Fatigued
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"Owls" or "Larks"
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It can sometimes be helpful to reflect on ways in which these differences may be affecting your family relationships. Such insights may help us to see what we ourselves are responsible for and what is beyond our ability to handle effectively. They can help to relieve us of false guilt. If the impact of some relationships is very stressful you may find it helpful to talk with a counsellor or a clergyman.