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-   -   Opinions on Engagement (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=6374)

Manticore 19th October 2009 02:01 AM

Opinions on Engagement
 
Hi there,

I notice a lot of the advice on here has been about current marriages, this is slightly different.

I'm 21, and have a girlfriend of 19, have been together 3 years now but we are so close, if someone were to tell me exactly how we'd feel for each other on the day I met her, I'd never have believed them.

We are both studying seperately, about 40 minutes apart, which isn't that bad. However next year we are thinking of moving in together to continue her studying and for me to work.

My question is, am I too young to get engaged? I feel like I almost shouldn't be getting engaged, not for my own reasons, but because of what other people will think of me! In that they might just think I'm moving too quick or making a rash decision that I haven't thought through.

I have suffered from anxiety in the past, and this is maybe something stopping me talking to my parents about it. I'm afraid of what they might say.

I had heard about a 'promise' you can make, involving a ring, that you will one day ask your boyfriend/girlfriend to marry you. I quite like the idea but I'm not sure if I were to do that, how long I could leave it before asking.

I've also debated getting engaged and keeping it on the low until I was confident enough to come out with it, and even then only saying that we had only just got engaged.

What are everyone's thoughts on this? I would like to hear them.

Thanks

Manticore 19th October 2009 11:42 AM

Re: Opinions on Engagement
 
Just realised maybe this should be in the advice section!

Raymond 21st October 2009 12:56 PM

Re: Opinions on Engagement
 
Manticore I give you my personal opinion only.

If you ask a girl to marry you and she says yes you are engaged to be married to her. It's traditional in the west to have an engagement ring but that is by the by.

I don't think it is wise to move in with her until you are married. That is my personal view as a christian.

If you do ask her to be married to you and she says yes it is wise to be open to both sets of your parents. When the marriage actually takes place is up to you both, so there is no rush.

Raymond

Manticore 22nd October 2009 01:01 PM

Re: Opinions on Engagement
 
Thanks Raymond, the moving in would have been some time next august at some point, before the next year at university starts up. We are both at the same uni you see.

I would have asked her to marry me, and thus getting engaged, next June-time, so we'd be engaged when we moved in. It's just way more logical to move in with each other (in rented accomodation) as we are engaged, than be tied into other houses with other students for the next 2 years...

Being Agnostic (hope I don't get shot down for that!) I believe the time for moving in together is only right when you feel deep down it is.

Having children however is slightly different, I don't think I could have a family without being married first.

Thanks for your views and opinions :)

lisa3159 23rd February 2010 08:22 PM

Re: Opinions on Engagement
 
Don't worry about what others may think. If you feel you and she are mature enough to handle marriage, then I think it's fine for you to get engaged. Then, make sure you educate yourselves about making a strong marriage and developing healthy relationship habits between the two of you. This will give you a step up on when it's finally the day to say "I do."

chosen 8th July 2010 04:14 AM

Re: Opinions on Engagement
 
You seem to unsure about whether you are ready for this committment so therefore I would say that you arent ready.If you arent ready to consider marriage then there is no point in getting engaged. As for keeping it secret!!!!! Do you want her to think that you arent proud to be engaged to her?
I would also think carefully about living together. If you arent ready for marriage then how is it that are you ready to set up home together?

LibraLady 21st November 2013 05:15 PM

Re: Opinions on Engagement
 
Well, Im not trying to be a Debbie Downer, BUT. I cant even fathom such young people being able to understand the seriousness of getting married. Im sure some are mature enough to do so, but MANY are NOT. At your age, you are NOT the person you will be when you turn, say, 30. And the same goes for her.

Take time to grow, learn yourself and experience life. Dont jump the broom then, think you can backslide because you feel like you are missing out on life. Take your time.

I wished someone would have told me this very same thing when I first married at 25, only to be divorced at 27. I am NOT the woman I was when I was your age or even 25. I had alot of growing to do.

1aokgal 26th November 2013 01:47 AM

Re: Opinions on Engagement
 
An engagement is not a license to take up housekeeping together. Statistics say most couple who cohabit prior to marriage do NOT end up getting married. Respect and love her enough to save that playing house.

You are afraid to talk to your parents about a major life decision? Do they hold the purse strings on your education or for life out of their home? If that is true, you ARE too young for marriage until you support yourself. One half marriages fail in todays' world. Forever is a very long time starting at your age.

chosen 26th November 2013 11:07 AM

Re: Opinions on Engagement
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LibraLady (Post 77067)
Well, Im not trying to be a Debbie Downer, BUT. I cant even fathom such young people being able to understand the seriousness of getting married. Im sure some are mature enough to do so, but MANY are NOT. At your age, you are NOT the person you will be when you turn, say, 30. And the same goes for her.

Take time to grow, learn yourself and experience life. Dont jump the broom then, think you can backslide because you feel like you are missing out on life. Take your time.

I wished someone would have told me this very same thing when I first married at 25, only to be divorced at 27. I am NOT the woman I was when I was your age or even 25. I had alot of growing to do.

The thing is that we change all through our lives, so I am not sure when we would get married! My two closest friend when I was around that age both married at age 19, and both are still happily married 38 years later.
However in this case with the OP they are not independent and are still studying. When I married at 19, we were both working full time, we bought our first place at 20 and had our first child at 21. Today most dont marry till about 10 years later that that now.

LibraLady 4th December 2013 06:25 PM

Re: Opinions on Engagement
 
Chosen, you and your friends have been very blessed with long marriages..

I pray these two go to pre-marital counseling........ and save their money up.


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