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-   -   Confused and scared (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=9240)

SharonDay 30th September 2015 04:11 AM

Confused and scared
Hello everyone

This is the first time I have written on a forum so I will try my best not to waffle.

My husband and I have been married for 2 and a half years. We had our first child in 2011 via IVF. This was not a pleasant experience and one that I was happy not to have to go through again. A couple of years passed and my husband started putting the pressure on to have another baby. As we were not married, I said I wanted to be married first...so he proposed and we got married. It was a lovely day.

6 months after our wedding we started IVF again and it resulted in another beautiful baby. It has been decided since that we will not be trying for any more children.

A little bit about my husband and I. He works very hard and earns good money. I am a stay at home mum. My eldest goes to childcare/ kinder 2 days a week. I do everything around the house. Cooking, cleaning, washing, lawn mowing, looking after the children etc etc.

My husband goes on at least 2 'boys' trips a year and frequently goes out for dinner, drinks, functions for 'work'. It has recently become evident to me that he would rather go out with his friends and not have me there. There has been a couple of occasions where he has told me that partners were not invited but I have then found out they were - and he knew about it. Or he has been invited to things and I have to ask if I'm invited. If yes then it's up to me to organise everything. He is not proactive at all.

I really don't mind staying home with children as the youngest is only 8 months old and I don't feel comfortable leaving him with anyone but my mum anyway. The problem I have is that when he does go out he doesn't get home until very late (3am usually), has had quite a few drinks and even when we have plans the next day.

My husband is a terrible communicator and I'm not much better. We both bottle things up (me probably more so). I feel like as I don't earn any money and he supports me and my children 100% that I kind of feel obliged to let him do what he wants. But that then leaves me feeling angry with him which in turn goes into the silent treatment until I can't be bothered anymore and then it repeats next month and so on and so on.

I'm really stuck with what to do. He actually suggest counselling which I assumed was couples counselling but then he booked me into see someone alone to work on my issues. Needless to say I cracked it and he cancelled the appointment and we went back to square one.

Does anyone else ever feel like this? Am I overreacting? Being stupid? Is this normal?

Please help!!! Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope it makes sense and isn't too long.

Sharon xx

Lindentree1 30th September 2015 10:22 PM

Re: Confused and scared
I think you should both try counseling together. There is a lack of communication here and you feel an imbalance of power.

In my opinion these issues should be dealt with using a professional. I hope he agrees to do joint counseling.

You need to be able to talk to each other.

Raymond 6th October 2015 11:09 AM

Re: Confused and scared
I couldn't reply as I was locked out for some days. Reading through it appears that he thinks you have the problem as he thinks the counseling should be for you. Why does he think that?

Sallyjays16 20th October 2015 07:49 PM

Re: Confused and scared
Communication could be the most important factor in a relationship. If he is not into counseling for the both of you then try to set up a time when he's not busy to discuss your feelings. Deep down he has to know how important it is to communicate to your spouse.

jamandjan 6th November 2015 05:37 AM

Re: Confused and scared
As the above poster said you need to be open with each other and sometimes that takes bringing a third party into the conversation to get the words out.

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