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-   -   Married and lonely (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=7614)

Forever 16th December 2012 06:21 PM

Re: Married and lonely
What would a "stand" look like?

He is already sleeping separately in his own room, mbing, doing w/o sex, serving the family w/o anyone serving him...so what could he possibly do that would get her attention and cause her to repent for putting this on him?

chosen 16th December 2012 08:03 PM

Re: Married and lonely
The only thing that may work would be to make it clear how unhappy he is, and that if she isnt prepared to get help, he will seperate from her.

Forever 16th December 2012 08:13 PM

Re: Married and lonely
What about his 14 and 11 year old children?

chosen 16th December 2012 08:30 PM

Re: Married and lonely
That would be her decision and not his. I would suggest that he go and speak to his pastor about this.

Forever 16th December 2012 09:06 PM

Re: Married and lonely
Well, if he stands up to her and threatens to move out...that is still HIS decision to do so...she will likely tell him to go ahead with it then.

I would recommend staying for the children, until they reach the age of 18...that way they at least have their father in the home overseeing their well being, wont have to pay child support for his wife to live off of, and his character will be seen as without reproach. His concern for his children should take priority rather than his sexual issues dont you think? This man is not the usual...he is not out having an affair or viewing Porn because of his deprivation, and the only thing I would change for now (baring the Lord instructing him otherwise) is moving back into the marital bed. If she decides to sleep elsewhere, he has not lost anything...and then SHE can explain to the children why rather than him having to.

I was rather taken aback when you said that what his wife is doing is tantamount to "having an affair"...can you explain that? Who or what is she having an affair with?

George 21st December 2012 10:12 AM

Re: Married and lonely

Originally Posted by Forever (Post 73170)
Do you think it is a good idea to have separate bedrooms...especially at the age your children are? Wont that give them an idea that this is "normal" in marriage?

Do you think that perhaps the Lord would have you do something other than go along with her kind of leadership?

I guess what I am getting at is that for all these years, you have allowed her to call the shots...allowed her using her interpretation and "choice" of Scripture to back up what she believes to be the difference between good and evil as I recall.

I realize she has a lot of emotional problems...but after all this time, perhaps the one who needs to lay down some consequences for this neglect ,and yes, sin, is YOU. Maybe the Lord is waiting for you to take your rightful position and insist she get counsel and help for what she feels and believes? That is where YOU would come into the picture. Do nothing, and you get nothing...nothing changes when nothing changes. Relying entirely on what the Lord can or will do is good...but only AFTER you have exhausted all other avenues available...but it is my opinion is that you have not even begun.

Hello Forever. Your message definitely challenges me, and I think the reason I don't do anything about it comes down to a combination of lack of faith and fear. I can see meltdown and divorce if I make an issue of anything, rather than the breath of fresh air of reconciliation and intimacy. Probably the devil creating that in my mind, just not sure how to grow in faith to remove that and focus on the positive to take the necessary steps.

With regard to separate rooms, I agree it isn't normal, and the children have queried it. The explanation, which, although it may be only part of the truth, is certainly true, is that both I and my wife need undisturbed sleep to be able to concentrate properly during the following day. Apparently my snoring is so bad my wife can't sleep at all, and then constantly wakes me up to stop me snoring ! Catch-22. So far that explanation has been accepted, but of course it does mask the "temptation" part of the equation.

Forever 21st December 2012 05:19 PM

Re: Married and lonely
I would do this:

Tell your wife that you and she are living as room mates rather than as a married couple according to Scripture. Tell her that when the youngest turns 18 that your "job" is finished as far as morally and legally tending to their needs, and that she will need to start preparing herself for a career...as you will be leaving permanently to find a wife who will love you as God intended it.

Tell her that her interpretation of Scripture regarding submission, sex and love is so rebellious that the only reason that you continue to remain is for the children, and that you are not going to allow for this for the rest of your life.

Tell her that you will help her to launch herself into the world of employment as best that you can, because when your last child is eighteen, the so called "marriage" is finished.

That will give her something new to think about and focus her attention on.

Is this Biblical? You bet it is...God always warns His people before dishing out consequences...and she will have a seven year window of opportunity to repent.

As for the snoring, get a pair of earplugs...the soft kind for your wife and get back into the bedroom. My husband snores something awful, but the earplugs kept on my side of the bed work like a charm...especially if I use them as soon as I go to sleep rather than after he has already snored me awake.

Raymond 23rd December 2012 06:34 PM

Re: Married and lonely
I've been hearing lately about christian women being really awakened bedroomwise in their marriages simply through seminars on the word of God where sex was not particularly mentioned.

I find that amazing and one of the wonders of the world. Many blame christianity for hang ups in the bedroom but in reality the opposite appears to be true. One has to differentiate between religion and christianity.

If you were able to encourage her to get deeply into God that would bring it's own answers George.

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