2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums

2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/index.php)
-   Wedding & Engagement Help (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=12)
-   -   Broke boyfriend (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=9070)

susan123 23rd March 2015 06:58 PM

Broke boyfriend
 
I've been dating someone for 2 months now. He has good qualities and seems to be someone things could get serious with. Problem is that his work situation is not very good and is not financially stable. I also feel like he isn't making much of an effort to improve things. I have my own career and don't really need his money but it bothers me that he isn't being more proactive about his situation. It's not laziness or so he claims but rather with him just being content with what he has...I feel he could do a lot better. He never asks me for money or pay his bills, at least not yet. Is this a deal breaker?

chosen 23rd March 2015 07:20 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by susan123 (Post 82621)
I've been dating someone for 2 months now. He has good qualities and seems to be someone things could get serious with. Problem is that his work situation is not very good and is not financially stable. I also feel like he isn't making much of an effort to improve things. I have my own career and don't really need his money but it bothers me that he isn't being more proactive about his situation. It's not laziness or so he claims but rather with him just being content with what he has...I feel he could do a lot better. He never asks me for money or pay his bills, at least not yet. Is this a deal breaker?

IT depends what you are looking for. If you want a guy who earns a lot and who is ambitious and go ahead, then he probably isnt the one for you. However there are far more important things in life than those, and he may be a content person who doesnt see the need for lots of money or things.

susan123 23rd March 2015 07:53 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
I'm thinking of the long run. A situation where if things worked out and eventually we got married. What if we have children one day and I won't be able to work as much because of having to take care of children. He will have to provide for the family's expenses. How will he do that when he only just manages his own expenses right now.

Lindentree1 23rd March 2015 08:47 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
You sound like you have different priorities. I would move on. Better to do it in the beginning than years later.

chosen 24th March 2015 12:12 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by susan123 (Post 82625)
I'm thinking of the long run. A situation where if things worked out and eventually we got married. What if we have children one day and I won't be able to work as much because of having to take care of children. He will have to provide for the family's expenses. How will he do that when he only just manages his own expenses right now.

Well most women where I live return to work after maternity leave anyway, as they cant afford not to.
It depends on what standard of living you want. I know young couples who dont have a lot of money but they manage. Dont stay with a man thinking that you will change him, if you dont love him as he is then leave.

Raymond 26th March 2015 09:50 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Not everyone has ambition to get higher up but I think he should be doing a good job at what he does. Sometimes people get motivated when things get serious. Having a wife who didn't work I always had to keep my eye in to make sure i was earning. You cannot force it though.

1aokgal 28th March 2015 06:23 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Hold on there! You dated him 2 months and it sounds like you are on a fast moving train. You are thinking about him already as a marriage prospect and are critical of his career choice or position in life. You didn't mention the age of the man, or why you think you have life all figured out and want to direct his. When a man doesn't earn as much, dating means making some concessions to entertain at home and keep the spending down.

My husband was not real well set at the beginning either, as a young man. I figured he liked what he chose as a career path, and would do better with more experience and time. There is no way I would direct or push him in his work or expect him to meet some unrealistic expectation that he was going to "take care for me" neither did I expect him to supply all our needs. The lean years were not easy, but I always worked. He found his career path and works very hard.

It sounds as if you are seriously shopping for husband material and after such a short time together you are critical of his job progress. Most young men don't come with all their career goals met. Most will find direction with the necessity of climbing the ladder of seniority in the chose field. If you direct energy to meet your own career goals, you will find that an interested man will want to succeed as well.

susan123 29th March 2015 06:29 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
He used to have a very good job and earned lots. He however decided it was not what he wanted and now does something closer to what he loves. It's just that he's been at it for some years and his financial situation only seems to be getting worse or so he says.

chosen 29th March 2015 08:05 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by susan123 (Post 82877)
He used to have a very good job and earned lots. He however decided it was not what he wanted and now does something closer to what he loves. It's just that he's been at it for some years and his financial situation only seems to be getting worse or so he says.

I would far rather my husband was happy and didnt earn much, than was unhappy and did, but then I dont seek riches and am happy with the simple things in life.:)

Lindentree1 30th March 2015 03:28 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Isn't two months a bit soon to be thinking about marriage?

I would be glad he's happy in his job than to make more money and be miserable.

If more money is so important to you (because of the future and so on), perhaps you should look for someone with ambition to suit your taste.

It's only been two months. If you're not happy with this situation why not move on? The longer you stay, the harder it will be for everyone.

If you plan to stay with him you should accept his job situation and not expect him to change.

1aokgal 1st April 2015 01:19 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
I would love it if my husband would earn less, and have a job that doesn't take him away from home for months at a time. But then, we do live a comfortable life and with security, in the career path he has chosen. It is the choice he made, as he likes the work and is in high demand for his skills. I am supportive and I learned to adapt.

I'm afraid the career choice for a man, may not always be where we agree. So long as the mans' work is ethical, moral and not too dangerous, I guess our man will make his own career choice.

Two months is too soon for you to be critical of this mans' performance or life choice! Most young men have years to advance and find their stride. A woman needs to work on her own earning ability. Today we don't expect a man to be a sole provider. It takes both people to build a secure life, provide a home, and educate the children. I think this subject is viewed differently, depending on the country/culture where one lives. In the states, education and work is the norm for women until the children are born. Many women return to work when the kids older and attend school.

When we date, we look at the character and personality, and we expect a guy to have a decent work ethic to hold a job. We can supply some encouragement, but a man will choose his career path. It is true that a man works hard for his family.
The deal breaker might be that you are pretty critical. It sounds as if you want to "manage" or change this man to be more acceptable to your standards. Either your standards might be too high, or you need to watch that personality trait that wants to pick the man apart. Ease up and enjoy the friendship.

chosen 1st April 2015 03:13 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by 1aokgal (Post 83014)
I would love it if my husband would earn less, and have a job that doesn't take him away from home for months at a time. But then, we do live a comfortable life and with security, in the career path he has chosen. It is the choice he made, as he likes the work and is in high demand for his skills. I am supportive and I learned to adapt.

I'm afraid the career choice for a man, may not always be where we agree. So long as the mans' work is ethical, moral and not too dangerous, I guess our man will make his own career choice.

Two months is too soon for you to be critical of this mans' performance or life choice! Most young men have years to advance and find their stride. A woman needs to work on her own earning ability. Today we don't expect a man to be a sole provider. It takes both people to build a secure life, provide a home, and educate the children. I think this subject is viewed differently, depending on the country/culture where one lives. In the states, education and work is the norm for women until the children are born. Many women return to work when the kids older and attend school.

When we date, we look at the character and personality, and we expect a guy to have a decent work ethic to hold a job. We can supply some encouragement, but a man will choose his career path. It is true that a man works hard for his family.
The deal breaker might be that you are pretty critical. It sounds as if you want to "manage" or change this man to be more acceptable to your standards. Either your standards might be too high, or you need to watch that personality trait that wants to pick the man apart. Ease up and enjoy the friendship.

Unfortunately most young women here have to return to work after their maternity leave, and dont have the luxury of waiting till the children are at school or older. I think its sad especially as its not cheap to get them into day nursery.

1aokgal 2nd April 2015 03:53 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
I didn't think about what my husband had, or did not have, when I met him. There were few preconceived notions about our future together, except that he was a good person and I loved him. It didn't matter how we would live or that I would follow him to live in another country. His family became my family, despite language and culture differences. I didn't see my family for some years.

There were few problems in how we lived since our sole expectation was that we would make a life together. We had faith all the problems could be overcome. That has worked for 35 years. We began with nothing and made a life of work and family. There were lots of lean years, but two working people made it easier. That formula works for most of us, doesn't it?

If you don't look at a man with that view, you might miss a wonderful life. They say behind a successful man is woman who has faith in him. It is true that married men make the best employees because they apply themselves to the task. A married man spends little time on outside socializing with friends, or going to clubs. They are on the career track to do their best for the family. So a man often changes completely for the woman he loves.

Lindentree1 3rd April 2015 08:18 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
According to the latest research in the U.S., 71% of mothers with children under 18 work outside the home. I wouldn't call stay-at-home moms the norm here. Most mothers I have known go back to work after the baby is born.

I also think husbands should have friends. It's healthy. Just my two cents.

But anyway, I wonder what OP decided.

chosen 3rd April 2015 11:47 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
IT would be interesting to see how may of those 71% of women didnt go back to work till their children were at school or nearer the older end of that scale than at the beginning. Here most have to go back after 9-12 months. Its mainly due to the terribly high cost of housing here.

Nothing wrong with the husband or wife having friends, but its true that a married man will be more focused on wife and children than any outside friends.

1aokgal 7th April 2015 06:21 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
My husband goes sometimes for a lunch or to meet a couple of guys he works with at coffee shop or they plan a dinner to catch up on latest company gossip. My husband tells me he is away from home enough when he works, so he is pretty much a homing pigeon. These guys spend months on a ship together, so most have little interest to hang out somewhere. A couple of his friends will stop by in summer and they visit on the deck outside while I may shop or do something upstairs. These are a pretty settled group, so they are pretty nice people. I agree that having friends is healthy and natural, so long as it is not in bars.

Women over 30 here, generally have pretty good jobs, not transient situations, so they will return to that career after maternity. The best situations seem if family can help with childcare. This is sometimes where a grandmother fills in until child is older for kindergarten. It was always difficult to leave my daughter and go to work in those early years. It wrenches the heart no matter how great is the childcare.

It really takes two incomes here as well, if a couple plan to buy a home by 30's. Home ownership is still possible, but there is that 30 year home mortgage to consider. That couple needs to have a committed income to make that possible. Most couples will go into a starter home and later move up to a larger home by building equity. The longer one rents a home, the less chance to buy and build equity. This is still a country of possibility, coupled with hard work, and sound financial planning.

chosen 7th April 2015 07:50 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Housing there is far far cheaper. Even with both working here, its not often a couple can afford to buy a home, even a very small one, unless they have well off parents who can help them with a large deposit. My son and his wife are in their 30's with a small son, and both work, but unless God does a miracle(and that is what I am praying for) I cant see how they will afford a home of their own. The rent on their tiny 2 bed terraced house is about $1500 a month. Its crazy. They also have no family near enough to help with daily child care. However they are very happy, and like me arent worried about material possessions and just want to be where Gods wants them.
My oldest nephew is the same. They rent a small 2 bed flat and have a small son, they wont have any more children because they haven't got the room even though they both work.
Its a very sad situation. When I married at 19 its was pretty easy to get a small home, we bought our first one(a 2 bed maisonette) at age 20 and 24, and we didnt earn that much. Housing is cheaper in some areas, such as the north of England, but of course those are areas with far less jobs available.

1aokgal 8th April 2015 05:52 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
You are right, it is cheaper to live in the US. Many do not appreciate what they have and get into serious debt. Young people need to learn to do without and save for what is important. The economy has taken a hit with goods produced overseas, which hurts US jobs, so many young people now find it difficult to locate a good job.

The rents are much higher today. The trend today goes toward luxury town homes/condos w/tenants gyms, a central pool, and lawn care paid by condo fees. Since rents are high, so many won't save enough for a down payment on a home in future. It is most likely many will remain in these condos with such pleasant amenities. The average rent for a 2 bedroom now is about $1,200 month, includes no utilities. This is a resort area, so some beach rentals are outrageous. The middle class struggles to maintain stability.

When we married, we rented lovely small single homes. They were sweet, reasonable and in nice areas. I'd hate to see how much they rent for today! Young couples now both work to survive, have smaller families. This is a community of really wealthy homes and they are huge. It seems many come from technology fields who hit it rich, which accounts for these communities. I just wish it was 20 years ago!

I'd love to be able to take another trip your way!

Lindentree1 8th April 2015 04:37 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
I live in Chicago (a few miles away), where a lot of two bedroom luxury apartments, not even condos, are $2000-3000.
It depends on where in the country you live. New York, L.A., and Chicago are pretty expensive places to live, as they are the three largest cities in the U.S.

chosen 8th April 2015 11:17 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lindentree1 (Post 83306)
I live in Chicago (a few miles away), where a lot of two bedroom luxury apartments, not even condos, are $2000-3000.
It depends on where in the country you live. New York, L.A., and Chicago are pretty expensive places to live, as they are the three largest cities in the U.S.

The cities are always more expensive. London is somewhere that only the very rich can afford to live, but if you go 10-20 miles outside prices are much lower.

Lindentree1 9th April 2015 01:16 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by chosen (Post 83321)
The cities are always more expensive. London is somewhere that only the very rich can afford to live, but if you go 10-20 miles outside prices are much lower.

Yes, I've read that London is one of the most expensive places in the world to live.

1aokgal 9th April 2015 05:41 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
I flew into Chicago for a weeks' biz event years ago, and we landed in a snowstorm. That crippling cold was unbearable! Large cities are not my taste anymore. I managed to survive two years I worked in NYC. That is too expensive to live , so we lived in Brooklyn, and commuted by subway. There is no way I would ever again live in a large city, or enjoy a city of hi-rise buildings, but it was great to visit the fine museums, Metropolitan Opera, and shop in some of the elegant stores at Xmas. This city has it all, on a smaller scale, and we are but 3.5 hours from Washington, DC, and 20 minutes to the greatest beaches.

It is ideal for us to have access to hiking, biking, and outdoor activities. NYC seemed like a giant anthill with too many people who try to find a blade of grass. I'd love to visit London again, but I think money saved will go to home projects. My husband travels with his job, so he is all travelled out. We make short day trips to the mountains or a day in Washington work as our vacation.

Lindentree, I hope things are better for you? It is always a good thing if a woman has an interest that is separate from the marriage as a hobby, or gym, or group of friends from similar interest. I paint and always have projects going on. I get so occupied, sometimes I forget he is away, as I am too busy to miss him that much.

chosen 9th April 2015 10:44 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lindentree1 (Post 83322)
Yes, I've read that London is one of the most expensive places in the world to live.

Its totally crazy, not helped by the fact that so many of the worlds richest people come and buy up properties and rarely use them.

chosen 9th April 2015 10:46 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by 1aokgal (Post 83326)
I flew into Chicago for a weeks' biz event years ago, and we landed in a snowstorm. That crippling cold was unbearable! Large cities are not my taste anymore. I managed to survive two years I worked in NYC. That is too expensive to live , so we lived in Brooklyn, and commuted by subway. There is no way I would ever again live in a large city, or enjoy a city of hi-rise buildings, but it was great to visit the fine museums, Metropolitan Opera, and shop in some of the elegant stores at Xmas. This city has it all, on a smaller scale, and we are but 3.5 hours from Washington, DC, and 20 minutes to the greatest beaches.

It is ideal for us to have access to hiking, biking, and outdoor activities. NYC seemed like a giant anthill with too many people who try to find a blade of grass. I'd love to visit London again, but I think money saved will go to home projects. My husband travels with his job, so he is all travelled out. We make short day trips to the mountains or a day in Washington work as our vacation.

Lindentree, I hope things are better for you? It is always a good thing if a woman has an interest that is separate from the marriage as a hobby, or gym, or group of friends from similar interest. I paint and always have projects going on. I get so occupied, sometimes I forget he is away, as I am too busy to miss him that much.

I could never live in a city either. Cant stand the noise, the traffic, the crowds and lack
of greenery. I need trees and greenery to 'breathe' and I am happier in small towns or villages with access to open land. As you say, nice to visit, but not to live.

Lindentree1 9th April 2015 02:03 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by 1aokgal (Post 83326)
I flew into Chicago for a weeks' biz event years ago, and we landed in a snowstorm. That crippling cold was unbearable! Large cities are not my taste anymore. I managed to survive two years I worked in NYC. That is too expensive to live , so we lived in Brooklyn, and commuted by subway. There is no way I would ever again live in a large city, or enjoy a city of hi-rise buildings, but it was great to visit the fine museums, Metropolitan Opera, and shop in some of the elegant stores at Xmas. This city has it all, on a smaller scale, and we are but 3.5 hours from Washington, DC, and 20 minutes to the greatest beaches.

It is ideal for us to have access to hiking, biking, and outdoor activities. NYC seemed like a giant anthill with too many people who try to find a blade of grass. I'd love to visit London again, but I think money saved will go to home projects. My husband travels with his job, so he is all travelled out. We make short day trips to the mountains or a day in Washington work as our vacation.

Lindentree, I hope things are better for you? It is always a good thing if a woman has an interest that is separate from the marriage as a hobby, or gym, or group of friends from similar interest. I paint and always have projects going on. I get so occupied, sometimes I forget he is away, as I am too busy to miss him that much.

Thanks for asking 1aokgal. I am hanging on. I have hobbies and interests but I am still quite upset. I wanted my marriage to last, but I just have to learn a new normal, I guess.

Chicago is cold, but I'm originally from Minnesota, which is even colder. So the cold here doesn't really faze me.

Lindentree1 9th April 2015 02:06 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by chosen (Post 83330)
I could never live in a city either. Cant stand the noise, the traffic, the crowds and lack
of greenery. I need trees and greenery to 'breathe' and I am happier in small towns or villages with access to open land. As you say, nice to visit, but not to live.

I used to live directly in Chicago. It was a bit much with a lot of activity and traffic. Now I live in a suburb a few miles outside of Chicago. I prefer the suburban life. Lots of trees, etc.

1aokgal 9th April 2015 04:33 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Dear Lindentree..

Minnesota? Wow, that is cold and rural. Were you raised on a farm? How did you go from there to Chicago? I know there are still many Mennonites in that area and large family owned farms. I have seen films of that area, but never there. I do Geneology online, and Minnesota is interesting for history of immigrants.

I am one who loves rural, and enjoy a drive in the country (with the dog), and often take pics to use in oil painting. Your dog doing OK? I am sure to avoid crowds and hectic city places. Big shopping malls are wasted on me. We have a botanical garden in the area with pleasant pathways and that outing sure brightens my day. I read your story and I feel your sadness at how someone you think you know, can become cold and a stranger. Personally, I think men shut down pretty harsh...more than women. When it gets to the point you realized all is lost, then comes time you need to save yourself and salvage what you can to begin again. It is not easy to build a new life, or gain skills for survival. When one is a pair, and then you need to survive alone, it can be overwhelming.

I see many churches now have meetings for separated, divorced, and that can be very helpful and supportive. Our city has an activity section of the newspaper with all kinds of support groups. That helped me for a time deal with the extreme anxiety and grief I felt when a marriage was over. There is the need to survive financially, and all the physical things that come with that stress. I hope you have kind people and family to give you support as this goes along. One day it just gets better.

Since my husband is away all the time, I also have to be comfortable in my own space. I love the painting lessons on U-tube and creating something beautiful in the use of my time. I think I have a bit to share about life, so post here at times.
The problem you have you posted about is clearly Sciatica, and pain radiates down one leg from the back. That is most likely a herniated disk. This disk problem can result from some physical strain, picking up something heavy, or even weak abdominals, sitting too much, needing more strength exercises. There are some simple stretch exercises that help (online) this, but Sciatica can run from excruciating pain, to one becoming immobile. The swelling involved in an injury takes months to heal. Yes, I know that problem well, as do millions who lose work time because of "bad back" discomfort.

Do you and your husband talk about your situation or does he just blow you off?
Today, I paint, Tomorrow, I have to do the blasted taxes, which takes me several days to do complicated biz return and such. I feel like condemned! I can't procrastinate any longer on the task. On your return..I would file separately, and not bend to his needs or desires. Sounds like he just wants to pull your strings, so he benefits. Who cares?

Lindentree1 9th April 2015 06:00 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by 1aokgal (Post 83336)
Dear Lindentree..

Minnesota? Wow, that is cold and rural. Were you raised on a farm? How did you go from there to Chicago? I know there are still many Mennonites in that area and large family owned farms. I have seen films of that area, but never there. I do Geneology online, and Minnesota is interesting for history of immigrants.

I am one who loves rural, and enjoy a drive in the country (with the dog), and often take pics to use in oil painting. Your dog doing OK? I am sure to avoid crowds and hectic city places. Big shopping malls are wasted on me. We have a botanical garden in the area with pleasant pathways and that outing sure brightens my day. I read your story and I feel your sadness at how someone you think you know, can become cold and a stranger. Personally, I think men shut down pretty harsh...more than women. When it gets to the point you realized all is lost, then comes time you need to save yourself and salvage what you can to begin again. It is not easy to build a new life, or gain skills for survival. When one is a pair, and then you need to survive alone, it can be overwhelming.

I see many churches now have meetings for separated, divorced, and that can be very helpful and supportive. Our city has an activity section of the newspaper with all kinds of support groups. That helped me for a time deal with the extreme anxiety and grief I felt when a marriage was over. There is the need to survive financially, and all the physical things that come with that stress. I hope you have kind people and family to give you support as this goes along. One day it just gets better.

Since my husband is away all the time, I also have to be comfortable in my own space. I love the painting lessons on U-tube and creating something beautiful in the use of my time. I think I have a bit to share about life, so post here at times.
The problem you have you posted about is clearly Sciatica, and pain radiates down one leg from the back. That is most likely a herniated disk. This disk problem can result from some physical strain, picking up something heavy, or even weak abdominals, sitting too much, needing more strength exercises. There are some simple stretch exercises that help (online) this, but Sciatica can run from excruciating pain, to one becoming immobile. The swelling involved in an injury takes months to heal. Yes, I know that problem well, as do millions who lose work time because of "bad back" discomfort.

Do you and your husband talk about your situation or does he just blow you off?
Today, I paint, Tomorrow, I have to do the blasted taxes, which takes me several days to do complicated biz return and such. I feel like condemned! I can't procrastinate any longer on the task. On your return..I would file separately, and not bend to his needs or desires. Sounds like he just wants to pull your strings, so he benefits. Who cares?

:) No, I wasn't raised on a farm. I grew up in a suburb outside of Minneapolis. So, no, farm life is completely out of my radar, many miles outside of where I grew up. Also, I am half Swedish as many Swedes came to Minnesota. My family on both sides are from Europe. I moved to Chicago because my husband got a job in research at a University. He still does research in his own lab and teaches now.

I don't think I have Sciatica because the pain doesn't radiate down my leg. I am feeling much better, and I suspect my problem is over-pronation. I ordered some Vionic Orthaheel shoes-I think that should help. The shoes are cute and don't look like orthotics.

No, my husband doesn't talk to me and shuts down when I've tried to get him to open up. Yes, I'm very upset by the whole situation. I'm even more upset that he led me on for four months, acting like we had a chance to reconcile. I'm going to therapy to help cope. I think this is something only time will heal. I want to have hope for my future, I'm hoping to carve out a new life. I am thinking of moving to the Pacific Northwest when all this is over. Washington state, perhaps. My parents are gone and I don't have much family, so I am pretty free to go anywhere after this. Starting over is scary, though. And I really liked my University, but it is the one my husband teaches at, and I need a clean break from him, which is another reason I want to leave this state.

Yes, my dog is doing well. It took him awhile to adapt to his different surroundings, but he is okay now. What kind of dog do you have?

Are you originally from the States, or did you move here from somewhere else?

I'm glad you have hobbies to engage in when your husband is gone. I wish I could paint. It's a skill I definitely don't have! :)

1aokgal 9th April 2015 06:40 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
My father was a naval officer on ship in CA. and married my mother there where I was born. They divorced when I was 3. Both remarried, and I hardly knew him, though we lived here in the same city. I live in Virginia Beach, Va. a resort area. This is also one of largest naval bases in US. I met my husband here. He was then in the German Navy, and on a NATO exchange program. Actually, one can say I was his green card. Navy life is part of my background from family, and I married into Navy life. My husband is a Merchant Marine Officer, which explains his always being gone.

Buddy is the dog, right? Dipper is a rather stubborn Pekinese, 10 lbs of spoiled, and a bit aggressive. That goes with the breed. He is my constant companion. The orthotic shoes sound cute, and a good idea.

You sound like a very intelligent woman who has got good direction forward. I'm sorry you don't have your family. I have a pen pal in Washington state...cold there. Have you ever considered life on the East coast? It is warm and beautiful here. Old Dominion University is here. It is a shame the two of you couldn't sit down and talk about things. It sounds more like a business deal than a love, when a man keeps you dangling and jerks your guts around. That would make me really angry and upset. Do you have a job that will work out for you somewhere else, as teaching? You can always send resumes out ahead if you like a certain area. There are good jobs here in Civil Service, which pay extremely well. Was there any real estate or property to divide so you have a start? Men always land on their feet, and usually the women are left scrounging to make it all work out. It does work out though, if you take it one day at a time. Who needs to live in misery? I got out of a marriage as fast as I could, left the area, and never looked back!

I sure was a bitter person, and had no plans to remarry for a long time...I thought. Some things just work out and not as we plan it. There is life after divorce!
The painting came later in life. It seems I have a real natural talent for it. I used that as a reason to take real pricey seminars with several world famous painters. I loved that! This area is rich with culture advantages. I did travel extensively in Europe with my husband and we lived some years in Germany. One of my favorite things...great museums!

Lindentree1 9th April 2015 08:24 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Your life sounds wonderful! And you went from heartache to happiness; that's really inspiring.

My dog (Buddy) is a Poodle mix. He is called a Peekapoo. He is half poodle, half Pekinese.

I've heard Virginia Beach is beautiful. Growing up I knew someone who lived there as a child, and he loved it.

I wanted to move east originally, but I worried it would be too expensive for me. I guess it depends on the area.

I'm not a teacher--well I taught preschool when I was younger, then turned to other occupations. I was at University to finish my degree. I guess I'll have to finish it elsewhere.

There are great museums in Europe. I made it a point to visit as many as I could every time I went.
I'd love to go back someday, but my financial circumstances have changed, as you can imagine. I'm doing okay, but certainly I have less than before. That doesn't bother me that much. Losing my husband was much worse than anything. But you're right--none of his actions have screamed "love." :(

chosen 9th April 2015 09:52 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Dogs are great arent they.:) I have had 7 rescue dogs in my life, all brilliant and lovely. My present one is a beautiful saluki cross, people are always stopping us to ask what type of dog she is, and to say how beautiful she is. She is a real ice breaker with people.
I would like more but we haven't the room right now. I did have three at one time in my first marriage.

My husband hadnt had dogs before I met him. His former wife refused to have pets in the house(fanatical about house cleaning) but I have converted him now and he loves them.

1aokgal 9th April 2015 10:02 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Dear Lindentree..


My life is wonderful! I came through a shell shocked, hard life to find a good life with a kind and decent husband. If we had no difficult times, maybe we would not appreciate how good things can be? I have a really good life.

I have seen the pekapoo dogs. They are really adorable, and about same size dog. Dipper goes half day each week to daycare for playtime. Then I go to grocery shop, movie or errands without him.

Yes, that desire to complete degree is very strong. The degree does often open career doors. I took a campus secretary job to complete my degree. It was pretty tough going between the two. My daughter was 3.5. I met my husband during that time, with my two Associate degrees, and few months short of Bachelors. It was marry him, go to Germany, or stay in US. HMMM. Guess which one I chose? I found a good career track anyway.

In this area Civil service is great career track plus any healthcare skill. We have huge hospital complexes here so Dental tech school, X-Ray tech, other hospital tech skills, all have salary while learning. That would be a good choice for anyone who needs income, while increasing skills. In a sense, this stage in your life also means you can find a new life and a DO OVER is not all bad! Challenges, yes, but women really have so many opportunities today, not there years back. Look on this as a time to "FIX YOU" and make your dreams possible. The biggest hurdle now seems to be to get a good attorney, and use the system to find out what you can get now to start fresh. What assets are yours, and what skills have you got? What are your potentials?

I would not look back over my shoulder too much, in your place, because it does not sound as if his vows of "forever" even go to "help you get your feet under" now! Don't be rushed to make decisions that benefit him, and be sure you discuss any decisions about your legal situation with someone who knows. Do consider a climate and living area with museums and vacation areas, and things you like to do, when you think to relocate. You might have fun to order a Welcome package or two from Chamber of Commerce in states/areas you like. I think that is fun to find out the biggest employers and what is available, with that information.

You have posters here who survived a divorce and found a better life. Keep positive.
I'd love some days in London or UK again as well. I watch Masterpiece Theatre productions, Mr. Selfridge and Downtown Abbey. Where is that winning Lottery ticket?

1aokgal 9th April 2015 10:12 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
Chosen,

My husband did not grow up with pets and did not even like cats, he said. So he marries me who has to have animals and now he is devoted to them as well..even the cats. My Pekinese is a rescue. I suspect he was dumped because he is stubborn, a bit aggressive when he meets other dogs. It is his breed. We live with it. He goes to daycare to socialize. Pets are wonderful!

chosen 9th April 2015 11:54 PM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
I love Downton Abbey as well. One thing that we do well is a good period drama.

I am not a cat fan for a pet, but generally love all animals. Dogs have that special something though.

1aokgal 10th April 2015 12:12 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
"Poldark" is another Masterpiece theatre production coming soon. The DVD is available. These are lush productions and the best viewing.

I took in one abused kitten and then later, two more, because of him.
He is now a senior, almost 17. :-).

Lindentree1 10th April 2015 12:45 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
I love animals. My WH kept our rescue cat, who is 10, and I took my rescue dog (adopted him at 3) with me and he is 7 now. I can't imagine a life without an animal. We had a bird before our cat. There was always some kind of animal in our home. My dog hated our cat, though. He loved to chase her, to my chagrin.

1aokgal 10th April 2015 12:57 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
What type of dog is a Saluki Cross? That is a new one on me. Yes, my husbands' family never had pets. I can't imagine that because I always loved my companion animals. Life would really get me down in a quiet house without a buddy around.

So, Lindentree, you each got an asset with a pet. Your dog is likely pretty glad he got rid of the cat. My dog also is 7, but he is very funny puppy looking.

chosen 10th April 2015 05:28 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
If you google 'feathered saluki' that will give you an idea, but she is a cross with something else we were told, although our vet thinks she looks like a pure saluki. We think she is crossed with a lurcher maybe.
Salukis are apparently one of the oldest breeds of dog, used in the middle east originally for hunting. This is why we could never have a cat, she would probably chase and kill it, she has a strong hunting and chasing instinct.
She is 7 and we have had her since she was 2.

In the past I have had 3 rabbits and gerbils and hamsters.

chosen 10th April 2015 05:39 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
She is like the middle dog on this page but maybe not quite so thin.

http://www.pets4homes.co.uk/pets4hom...eedinfo/saluki

Lindentree1 10th April 2015 05:46 AM

Re: Broke boyfriend
 
What gorgeous dogs!


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 12:20 AM.

Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.