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Nina36 9th September 2012 08:11 PM

Marriage Help
 
I am Military wife i need your advice. I have been married to my husband for almost 10 years. We have 3 children which we love so much. My husband is currently station in one state, while we are living in another state. My husband and i do not communicate like husband and wife should. My husband lies and i even caught him cheating. Some of the things that i am going through right now is my husband and his sibling orchestrated there parents to come to America and live at my house without my permission until it was too late for me to say No. While me and my children were on vacation he got mad and forged my signature off the bank account so that we did not have any funds while we were there, he also had someone break into our home without my knowledge to let his parents into my house while i was away. i am trying to getting some help and understanding is this how a husband suppose to act? what shall i do? he will not go to counseling because he said that there is nothing wrong with him.
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1aokgal 9th September 2012 09:57 PM

Re: Marriage Help
 
Dear Nina...

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry you have such problems going on with your husband who you said is in the miliatry. I was a military wife for years. If your husband is US miltary there are regulations that protect a spouse and dependents.

You should notify his commanding officer of these problems, the chaplains' office or Legal Aid Society on base. Legal aid can give you advise, but they do not represent litigants in a legal dispute. An enlisted man has to support his family and there is assistance on these issues with these sources. You need to notify your bank that you did not sign the withdrawal slips for any funds. Inform them this was done without your permission. Forgery is a crime.

If the house is in joint names, and if he wanted to give someone permission to gain entry for his parents to stay, there he can do that since his name is on the lease or deed. That is not illegal, though it was inconsiderate, since he did so without your permission. If I were in your place I would now work to make his parents welcome, assist them to settle, and smooth this out. They are not responsible for problems between you. You would expect him to assist your family, so why not help them? There is counselling through military services free for service members families.

He steam rollers over you and that is something that needs to be worked out in counselling. Leaving you without funds is another thing though, and he can be sanctioned by his military command once you contact his CO. He can even be tossed out of the military (no job) by such actions, as the military is very strict about helping dependents.

Forever 10th September 2012 12:49 AM

Re: Marriage Help
 
Hi Nina,
In addition to the other issues...is the fact that he cheated...are you okay with that adultery or are these other issues more important to you? Where is he from, and do you get along with his parents? Are you living in base quarters or in off base housing? If you are living in base housing...there are certainly things you could do about the intrusion in your life...but that would probably end the marriage if you tried. The advise given above regarding his parents is probably your best bet to prevent hostility and making his parents feel uncomfortable...unless they were aware of the fact that you were not consulted prior to their moving in...which would mean that they have no respect for you as a human being trying to raise children w/o interference.

This is just as rude as can be...not to mention that his cheating without paying consequences will likely continue since there is nothing to stop him...not even his own conscience..so you will need to make multiple appointments at the OBGYN to see if he infects you with something along the way.

Sometimes if you marry a man who is from a different culture, they seem to think that all the "rules" apply only to the wife rather than to themselves. This desperately needs to change, and of course, if he refuses counseling...you are the one who will have to take a stand and follow it all the way through...or else, "put up and shut up" as it were. His being in the military has NOTHING to do with this...but lucky you, his CO can be of more help than you think...even with the immorality issues...they can order him into counseling. I was active duty military also in the past, so unless things have changed dramatically since those days, you will need to get help from a Chaplain as well as the CO if things do not change to your liking.

Kindest Regards

Nina36 10th September 2012 02:42 AM

Re: Marriage Help
 
Thank you for your advice been to CO only so much he said that he can do. We do not live on base houses anymore. But he really thinks that no one can touch him as if he has nothing to lose. His parent's i heard from a realtive that they practice voodoo or whatever but they do not scare me because i serve a mighty God. While he was stationed in GA with his mom he was seeing some woman that was doing his mom hair for free, but liking my husband. Found the messages that they were sending to each other, but you cannot tell me that the mother knew nothing about it. They come in my house and try to take over.

Raymond 10th September 2012 03:02 PM

Re: Marriage Help
 
Voodoo is about control Nina. That seems to be what is happening in my eyes. Maybe it will not move your faith but it will cause you a lot of spiritual and practical trouble until you are rid of it. I would get spiritual help as well from those who know how to pray you through this. I'm talking about christians who understand these things.

Take the practical steps that 1okgal and Forever suggest but there is a spiritual aspect to this as well which is pretty spooky to my mind. Unfortunately I think your husband is a channel for this and goodness knows what his parents are into. I think it will get worse until you can get your house back and get free of those types of people.


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