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super_anon_man 5th October 2004 03:43 PM

Christian Marriage Sex Forum
There are a few discussion boards available that are devoted to the subject of sex in Christian marriage. They discuss marital issues as well as candid sexual issues to help people and increase marital intimacy. The message boards basically teach people how to have better sex in marriage "as God intends it". I was wondering what the perspective of the Bible is on such discusssions. Is it morally wrong to discuss sexual behavior in marriage? Is it wrong to give sexual advice in the context of Christian marriage?

Please provide scriptures both supporting and condemning such discussion boards.

Here is a Christian site called The Marriage Bed that has such a forum:


Liz 7th October 2004 11:08 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
Dear Super anon Man

Thank you for your questions. I wonder what has prompted them. Have you struggled with the site you quote or are you recommending it? If the latter perhaps you could contact us by email so we can consider whether we should add an official link.

If you are concerned about what they are doing perhaps you could have a look through their basis of faith and their aim for the site, both of which are quite clearly stated.

Sexual intimacy between husband and wife should be something that is private in one sense and I would say that is clearly taught in the bible. The dangers of slipping into pornography and people wishing to enquire into sexual activity for the wrong reasons are very real. On the other hand God made sex for man and woman within the commitment of marriage and what he has made is good and healthy when properly used. Sometimes people need to ask questions when they are struggling with problems in their sex life and the internet offers a unique and confidential place to look for that information. Unfortunately it as also accessible to anyone including children, so care has to be taken what information to put onto the net.

If you want a good book on intmacy for Christians, you might look at The Act of Marriage and Intended for Pleasure.

With best wishes


Raymond 25th January 2007 10:31 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
Where have the people gone on this forum. It feels like a graveyard. I have a good sex life, but suffer from fantasies on spanking. While I continually fight this as there is no useful outlet in marriage it is difficult to kill. I go for weeks without thinking about it much, then I notice something about it which sets me off again. I have had this since I was about thirteen. Does anyone have any answers for it or is it just a case of resisting temptation in the mind. It's no longer tasteful to get my wife to do it to me. I've tried doing it to her softly which she doesn't mind.

Don't get me wrong I can handle it but was wondering whether anyone else is struggling with this problem.

perfectmarriage 12th February 2007 12:31 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
Raymond, I'm not a Christian so I hesitate to post in a thread called 'Christian Marriage Sex Forum' but...

What is so wrong about fantasising about spanking? If your wife doesn't mind, what's the problem? Why not share your fantasies with her? You don't necessarily have to act out all your fantasies, but it might be possible to go further than you have already.

Perhaps you will do more harm than good by bottling this up.


Raymond 12th February 2007 08:24 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
If you are not a christian you would not understand. I say this because I have seen your website also and you are not the type of person I would want to share the problem with I'm afraid.

perfectmarriage 13th February 2007 02:23 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
OK, fair enough.

Liz 13th February 2007 11:53 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
Dear Raymond

I have been thinking about your concern about spanking. To me it is a questionable practice because it is about one person exerting power over another to punish them or inflict pain. That does not tie in with my understanding of making love that it is about expressing love for and joy in each other and giving the other pleasure. For me, making love is a celebration of the beauty of our love for each other and, as a Christian, it is holy, a place and time that should be free from selfishness, power or control.

When I have struggled with unhelpful thoughts or desires creeping into our love making, I have prayed and tried to remind myself of things that are good and wholesome and joyful about our relationship. It will seem strange to some people, but praying before or while making love is quite normal for a Christian. God is present at such times as much as he is when we are sitting in church, and the most intimate moments of our marriages are very important to him. Sometimes it is necessary to ask God to reveal our attitudes to making love and to enable us to allow him to correct and heal those attitudes.

I hope that may make sense and speak into your situation.


Raymond 13th February 2007 09:20 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
Liz wrote;

That does not tie in with my understanding of making love that it is about expressing love for and joy in each other and giving the other pleasure. For me, making love is a celebration of the beauty of our love for each other and, as a Christian, it is holy, a place and time that should be free from selfishness, power or control.

You are absolutely right Liz and said so beautifully. I am striving to get there and do experience what you are saying quite often.

I've had this since age thirteen off and on, but is does not dominate the bedroom by any means. I don't enter into anything to do with punishment I instinctively knew that part was wrong when it first came up.

I know that the coming together is the main thing, which I do. This other thing happens sometimes in foreplay, more like a fun thing. I told DW I was going to give it up and she asked why? So it does happen occasionally as it doesn't bother her, and she is as sexually pure as one can get I think.

But your instincts may be correct. I have prayed about this a lot, so I don't just accept it as okay. The real danger is internet about it which I always strive to keep away from, unless it is discussed in an honest and non tittilating way. I don't think we enter into any real pain as such, and certainly no power or control. Maybe a bit of selfishness perhaps? So I am managing it and not feeding it from other sources. Something about it has been sexualised in me from a very young age rightly or wrongly.

I do value your comments and will take them on board.

God bless you


Married for Life 7th June 2007 10:25 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
Hi Raymond,

I share Liz's comments, as you do from your last post. It is to your credit that you want to ensure this doesn't get the better of you and become an overwhelming obsession. One question you may want to ask yourself is "Where did this fantasy come from?" in other words what did you see, hear, or experience that caused this fantasy to become a stronghold for you? Crack the answers to that question and bring them in prayer to God and it may help you in your goal of getting past the fantasy and to the place of love making being

about expressing love for and joy in each other and giving the other pleasure
as Liz put it so well.

Raymond 8th June 2007 06:27 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
Thanks for your thoughts Married for Life. Those threads were a long time ago. Whatever happened to Liz?

I have obviously prayed and felt that God showed me an incident from when I was four in an orphanage I was in. I think it's possible to sexualise the wrong things and children are particularly vulnerable to this. So it's not a big problem but I still have to be on my guard. It never affected a huge part of my marriage, just something that would come up now and again, even much less now, but I still have times when I resist even when my wife suggests it.


Married for Life 9th June 2007 04:02 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
That's great Raymond that God showed you those things and you are where you are now. By the way we all have things that tempt us that we need to resist so be reassured you are not alone.

Raymond 10th June 2007 09:42 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
Thank you for that Married for Life. I tend to think women are not tempted on that level but are in other things. I find it helful to remember the Lord's prayer "Lead us not into temptation." We will be tempted but we don't have to enter into it.

Sometimes I am glad that I am tempted as it shows I have been blessed by God with a good sex drive, but there is someone out there who wants to pervert it.


mermaid 8th October 2007 11:51 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
Oh Liz, it was interesting you talked about praying before or during love-making; my husband used to do that and to be honest, I found it such a big turn-off to think of God being present in our bedroom. If you feel Ok with that, then it's Ok, but to me, I feel God would rather turn his head away and let us get on with that, it's private. It's just my opinion; love making I feel was meant to be about fun and not too serious.

Susan Strict 29th March 2008 11:40 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
Raymond (and Mermaid), I strongly believe that sex in all its varieties (except those that harm others, of course) is one of the greatest gifts that God has given us, and one of the great joys that I am absolutely sure He intends us to experience to the full.

Pain is not necessarily harm and certainly not in this case, nor does it affect anyone other than the two of you in the relationship. If you want to be spanked and your wife is happy to do it, then what harm does it do anyone as part of the intimacy between you? I believe you should listen to your body's demands - of this type and others - and think seriously about any urge within you before dismissing it OR acting on it. Your question is "what harm could it do?", and if the answer is "none" then follow it. A prayer or two doesn't hurt but, as we all know, the answer is not always clear and unambiguous. Guidance is wonderful when it appears, but we all have free will and may take decisions of this sort for ourselves.

Above all, I think, just because your particular desires may not suit everyone does NOT mean they are wrong. As I said before, consider whether your desires - whatever they are - could lead to any harm to yourself or to anyone else. If not, then take the joy of it to its full, and be thankful that you have been given the gift and understanding of a pleasure that cannot be enjoyed by everyone.

Good luck.


MissonWorker 9th June 2008 03:13 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
Dear Raymond

Heb 13:4 says Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Okay so when I read this I understand that whatever I do in my marriage bed in undefiled! Sex is a pleasure made possible by God for a married couple. There are no instructions in the Word as to how to do it. We just know that it is honorable before God. So If I want to enjoy sex outside of the mission style I understand it's okay with God! If the wife and husband are okay with it then so is God! I mean your Christians! This is not dirty but holy before God. I strongley believe that your okay Raymond before God if you and your wife are okay with it!
God Bless!

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