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-   -   Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=6261)

Raymond 31st August 2009 06:21 PM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
Thanks MSC. I've seen it on other websites but never really knew what it was.

Raymond

Tom70 26th January 2010 09:31 AM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
It's so hard when you hear such words. I've heard them recently and am still recovering.

At some point to survive and not cause damage to yourself and others (as I'm doing) you must resort to higer values that transcend single human life: faith in God and belief that it all will makes sense and that you'll understand the sense one day is the daddy of all comforts. If you don't have that, try philosopy, art.

I'm dealing with a break-up and my (formally still, but in fact former) wife and decided to start a blog. Check it out if you like:

http://meshehim.blogspot.com

kazzieb 21st February 2010 08:11 PM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
That article is very interesting, I may try to give it a go myself. My husband told me he didnt love me last week but we are still living in the same house (although he is trying to get me to move out, cant be him because of issues with the tennancy agreement we have). I know (or am 99% sure) that there is no one else involved as he very rarely goes out on his own (unless he has met someone on facebook etc...). I have been putting off getting the wheels in motion so far and trying to act like nothing has happened although i have moments when i have had arguements with him, tears etc, when i feel there is no hope in him changing his mind. I may just try to keep the 'happy' act up as long as i can. Will let you know how i get on

lavene53 29th March 2010 08:40 AM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
Read a comment in this thread that gave me the courage to ask this question as embarrassed as I may be. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Here goes:

In the time of rest and wait what happens to the sex????

Red blooded all, if he doing what he wants, when he wants with those thoughts going through his mind, I wouldn't feel open to be passionate with him and in effect vulnerable. The thought of giving him the keys and right to ALL areas is a scary thought however the effects of withholding can cause more damage and give hm more reason to run.

Of course the need comes around when I would be extremely ready for it and not care about situations of the day, but expectantly not as often for me as it does him. Sex would happen for the need of both of us and just for him, but at the back of my mind would be deep torment at points before during and after making ease not so easy.

Sometimes I HATE having the mind of a though-filled female in these respects but I do and cant do anything about it, so want to know how to make it work for me.

This may be a bit of a rant but i just had to get it out quickly before i decided to not post it.

Advice please.

Raymond 1st April 2010 12:41 PM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
I am not sure what you are saying exactly Lavene. (probably too many lengths at the pool). If you are saying does one have to remain open if a husband sleeps with someone else, then the answer is of course not. If that happens it is adultery and grounds for divorce. One can forgive of course but obviously the bedroom would be seriously affected. If there is no repentance from the one having the affair then the marriage has become a non marriage and a wife's sexual duty would not apply, otherwise a wife would just be a doormat.

Raymond

lavene53 2nd April 2010 07:54 PM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
No no...not saying he has had an affair.

I'm talking about when his mind is made up and I'm having to be patient and give him the period of freedom the article talks about. During this period I feeling emotionally unsupported...a real turn off SOMETIMES.

I guess im asking....How do I relax my mind and stop it from racing over everything I hate about him, its torment?

Raymond 6th April 2010 06:18 PM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
Hi Lavene. Sorry I missed your answer. As this thread is always at the top I get in the habit of passing it.

Are you saying that your husband is saying he is not in love with you like in the article?

Personally I don't see your situation fits the article unless the above is true.

What seems to be happening here is that your husband seems to have an unhealthy desire to relate to the opposite sex. I don't think any wife would be happy with that. It seems that there may be a smokescrene of business going on but the underlying thing is still happening. We spoke that this could be coming from rejection perceived in his childhood but the twist with the female interest is another thing on top of it, but maybe coming out of it. Whether he has rejection or not doesn't justify wrong behaviour. A christian man should behave with some decorum and not even give the appearance of evil, let alone doing evil.

A thought that comes to me is that he may have always wanted to be successful with women but never was and now sees the chance to achieve that, possibly as an answer to the rejection he feels. In reality once we are married to the one we love all that behaviour is irrelevant and could easily be read as unfaithfulness.

I don't see how you can ignore that behaviour. If a spouse says they don't feel they love you that is something else but any christian would agree that his behaviour is highly questionable. If it is all above board he should be able to see them with you, so that you know what is going on. Why can't he bring them home so that you can both advise them? Our pastor would never counsel a girl on his own but would bring his wife or another female. Somehow he is not taking you into his trust on the matter. How can you be expected to ignore that?

I don't think the above article really fits your situation Lavene. If he doesn't respond keep praying of course, but I think he is stepping over boundaries personally and has problems, but one cannot force a solution as he has freewill. The fact cannot be ignored that we are all sexual beings and need to live in such a way so that we are not exposed to things where our marriage could be compromised. It seems that he is putting his marriage second in certain situations when it should come first.

Raymond

mdmquincy 17th June 2010 04:58 AM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
I like this post, but I am sick of looking at it. Can it be unstuck? Just asking out of curiousity, don't get belligerent, please.
J

Heather 20th September 2010 11:00 PM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
Wow! What a good article... thought provoking even in a situation of infidelity.

THENUNN 5th January 2011 11:05 AM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
I also wish I'd read that sooner and been emotionally mature enough.

Nicole 3rd February 2011 09:49 PM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave (Post 47400)
Just occasionally an article comes up that really causes us to stop and think.

If your partner has just said those "I don't love you any more" words, read this article and reflect on your next move.

Dave

Its a beautiful piece! God help us all become as u will have us. Amen!

Nicole 3rd February 2011 09:51 PM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
Beautiful piece. God help us to become more like u amen!

broken 19th May 2011 04:22 AM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
Thanks, maybe it's not too late for me to do this, better. Thanks, I needed to read this. I have been going about my daily routine best I can. Thanks

tmw52 7th June 2011 10:31 PM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
Wow! I read some comments that suggested this post should be taken down so it's not always at the top but I think that would be a bad idea. This was life-changing. I think I'm personally too far down the separation road for it to work for me but the way she separated his problems from what he was trying to put on her and her marriage? Those words have changed everything for me. I just wish I could find a way to tell her so!

heartbroken 10th June 2011 05:25 PM

Re: Those aren't fighting words, dear - READ THIS
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by kazzieb (Post 52629)
That article is very interesting, I may try to give it a go myself. My husband told me he didnt love me last week but we are still living in the same house (although he is trying to get me to move out, cant be him because of issues with the tennancy agreement we have). I know (or am 99% sure) that there is no one else involved as he very rarely goes out on his own (unless he has met someone on facebook etc...). I have been putting off getting the wheels in motion so far and trying to act like nothing has happened although i have moments when i have had arguements with him, tears etc, when i feel there is no hope in him changing his mind. I may just try to keep the 'happy' act up as long as i can. Will let you know how i get on

I really do feel for you here, i am in exactly the same position, very similar, i know it hurts but as you sayit is very hard when staying together in this position, do you go to him looking for reassurance.


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