she's pregnant for him
 

My wife had an affair. She broke my heart. We're still together because we have a 2 year old baby and because she's so sorry.

She tells me 20 times a day she loves me but now we are like housemates. We sleep in the same bed but she is pregnant for this other guy.

The other guy is long gone, lives in another state but knows about the pregnancy and must be at least curious - or maybe thinks he dodged a bullet, I don't know...

Anyway, every time I see her belly I think of them in bed. She tries to have sex with me but I brush her off. Her affair was 8 months ago and she's due in a few weeks.

All I think is I have to live with this for the rest of my life. Bringing up and paying for a kid that's nothing to do with me. I sometimes think I want him to pay for the birth, the medicals, and some sort of maintenance but then I don't want anything from him. He knows about the baby, he can turn up anytime and "claim" it - even in 10 years time he can turn up and wreck everything. Do I need him to sign a promise never to show up, give up all rights to the baby? Or charge him for maintenance? Or do I let sleeping dogs lie and pray and hope he never shows up?

Apart from that, I still can't have sex with her without thinking of them together and it kills me. Even when she performs oral on me all I think of is them and I pretend everything is ok, that I'm over it. I don't want to talk to her while she's pregnant so as not to upset her. Do I wait till she's had it and then open up? Or am I a total idiot?

Any thoughts?

Re: she's pregnant for him
 

I feel for you so much this is so painful for you. You must decide whether you can willingly bring up this child as your own, and I think some good legal advise is needed here, as to whether you could go after him for maintenance, or whether you can legally adopt him.

Your wife was very stupid, you are to be admired for staying with her in this situation, but if you do remain, you will need some marriage counseling because this wont just go away on its own.
Can you love this child as your own? Or will he or she always remind you of her betrayal? Would she agree to have the child adopted to a couple who are desperate for a baby? That may be a compromise.
I can fully understand you not wanting to have sex with her. I am not sure I could ever have sex again with a man who did this to me, that's why adultery is so very serious, and that's why if you do stay, you need to tell her that if she ever does this again the marriage is over.

Re: she's pregnant for him
 

That is an awful twist of fate but it wouldn't have happened if she was not faithful.

I can see that it is painful for you to see her pregnant, but long term after the delivery things could improve, but it would obviously take a lot of forgiveness from you and acceptance of the child to make it work. After all it wasn't her/his fault (the baby) . Legalising it would help.

Re: she's pregnant for him
 

Jacor, I'm in the same exact situation except the little one is already here since 3 weeks ago.

Becoming more difficult as the child looks absolutely nothing like me (of course) and seems to favor the father as not much resemblance to the mother.

Well, it really sucks...lying to everyone and acting like all is well. It bugs the crap out of me when folks come up and congratulate me on the new arrival.

Just grit my teeth and drive on I guess.

Re: she's pregnant for him
 

Why isnt the child with its mother?

Re: she's pregnant for him
 

jaycor, i am new in this forum but i am not new in this world ,so i want to suggest or talk about it. it's really hard for you to take any decision but you have to go with positive way , i believe one think that is every problem has a solution so think deeply and take your decision what's your mind say...

Re: she's pregnant for him
 

you situation is emotionally pain full let me ask one thing do you still have love feelings for her ?
if you still in love with her then forget about the other man and take the baby as your and let that man never to show up or you have to talk to here and here out her opinions about it.last its always good to follow your hert

Re: she's pregnant for him
 

Thinking about your post, I must say that you have endured the situation well. If that happens to me, I do not think I can live in the same house again, or at least see her face again. But then again, your wife must have love you so much to have chosen you but did she really have a choice back then?

Now that you are in that situation, and your wife is trying her best to work things out, is it not worthy forgiving her? I am not in your situation so it is hard to give an advise. Ask your self, can you live without her? Then move on from there.

Re: she's pregnant for him
 

wow, well, you have to really be honest with yourself about your ability to stay with her and raise a child that is not your own. If the answer is yes, then you can legally adopt this child and be a family. If you cannot, the ABSOLUTE WORSE thing you could do is treat this innocent child harshly because of the actions of its parents. Move on and try your best to be a co-parent for your 2yr old, but don't stay with her just because of the child. You will be miserable if you do.

Re: she's pregnant for him
 

Just remember that the child is innocent in all this. You need to decide whether you are going to love this child as your own or not & then follow through with this commitment. Do not resent or blame the child for the error of the parent.

Re: she's pregnant for him
 

I know this post was from a while ago... but man... I would have left her.