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super_anon_man 5th October 2004 03:43 PM

Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
There are a few discussion boards available that are devoted to the subject of sex in Christian marriage. They discuss marital issues as well as candid sexual issues to help people and increase marital intimacy. The message boards basically teach people how to have better sex in marriage "as God intends it". I was wondering what the perspective of the Bible is on such discusssions. Is it morally wrong to discuss sexual behavior in marriage? Is it wrong to give sexual advice in the context of Christian marriage?

Please provide scriptures both supporting and condemning such discussion boards.

Here is a Christian site called The Marriage Bed that has such a forum:

TheMarriageBed.com

Liz 7th October 2004 11:08 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Dear Super anon Man

Thank you for your questions. I wonder what has prompted them. Have you struggled with the site you quote or are you recommending it? If the latter perhaps you could contact us by email so we can consider whether we should add an official link.

If you are concerned about what they are doing perhaps you could have a look through their basis of faith and their aim for the site, both of which are quite clearly stated.

Sexual intimacy between husband and wife should be something that is private in one sense and I would say that is clearly taught in the bible. The dangers of slipping into pornography and people wishing to enquire into sexual activity for the wrong reasons are very real. On the other hand God made sex for man and woman within the commitment of marriage and what he has made is good and healthy when properly used. Sometimes people need to ask questions when they are struggling with problems in their sex life and the internet offers a unique and confidential place to look for that information. Unfortunately it as also accessible to anyone including children, so care has to be taken what information to put onto the net.

If you want a good book on intmacy for Christians, you might look at The Act of Marriage and Intended for Pleasure.

With best wishes

Liz

Raymond 25th January 2007 10:31 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Where have the people gone on this forum. It feels like a graveyard. I have a good sex life, but suffer from fantasies on spanking. While I continually fight this as there is no useful outlet in marriage it is difficult to kill. I go for weeks without thinking about it much, then I notice something about it which sets me off again. I have had this since I was about thirteen. Does anyone have any answers for it or is it just a case of resisting temptation in the mind. It's no longer tasteful to get my wife to do it to me. I've tried doing it to her softly which she doesn't mind.

Don't get me wrong I can handle it but was wondering whether anyone else is struggling with this problem.

perfectmarriage 12th February 2007 12:31 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Raymond, I'm not a Christian so I hesitate to post in a thread called 'Christian Marriage Sex Forum' but...

What is so wrong about fantasising about spanking? If your wife doesn't mind, what's the problem? Why not share your fantasies with her? You don't necessarily have to act out all your fantasies, but it might be possible to go further than you have already.

Perhaps you will do more harm than good by bottling this up.

Ed

Raymond 12th February 2007 08:24 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
If you are not a christian you would not understand. I say this because I have seen your website also and you are not the type of person I would want to share the problem with I'm afraid.

perfectmarriage 13th February 2007 02:23 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
OK, fair enough.

Liz 13th February 2007 11:53 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Dear Raymond

I have been thinking about your concern about spanking. To me it is a questionable practice because it is about one person exerting power over another to punish them or inflict pain. That does not tie in with my understanding of making love that it is about expressing love for and joy in each other and giving the other pleasure. For me, making love is a celebration of the beauty of our love for each other and, as a Christian, it is holy, a place and time that should be free from selfishness, power or control.

When I have struggled with unhelpful thoughts or desires creeping into our love making, I have prayed and tried to remind myself of things that are good and wholesome and joyful about our relationship. It will seem strange to some people, but praying before or while making love is quite normal for a Christian. God is present at such times as much as he is when we are sitting in church, and the most intimate moments of our marriages are very important to him. Sometimes it is necessary to ask God to reveal our attitudes to making love and to enable us to allow him to correct and heal those attitudes.

I hope that may make sense and speak into your situation.

Liz

Raymond 13th February 2007 09:20 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Liz wrote;

That does not tie in with my understanding of making love that it is about expressing love for and joy in each other and giving the other pleasure. For me, making love is a celebration of the beauty of our love for each other and, as a Christian, it is holy, a place and time that should be free from selfishness, power or control.

You are absolutely right Liz and said so beautifully. I am striving to get there and do experience what you are saying quite often.

I've had this since age thirteen off and on, but is does not dominate the bedroom by any means. I don't enter into anything to do with punishment I instinctively knew that part was wrong when it first came up.

I know that the coming together is the main thing, which I do. This other thing happens sometimes in foreplay, more like a fun thing. I told DW I was going to give it up and she asked why? So it does happen occasionally as it doesn't bother her, and she is as sexually pure as one can get I think.

But your instincts may be correct. I have prayed about this a lot, so I don't just accept it as okay. The real danger is internet about it which I always strive to keep away from, unless it is discussed in an honest and non tittilating way. I don't think we enter into any real pain as such, and certainly no power or control. Maybe a bit of selfishness perhaps? So I am managing it and not feeding it from other sources. Something about it has been sexualised in me from a very young age rightly or wrongly.

I do value your comments and will take them on board.

God bless you

Raymond



Married for Life 7th June 2007 10:25 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Hi Raymond,

I share Liz's comments, as you do from your last post. It is to your credit that you want to ensure this doesn't get the better of you and become an overwhelming obsession. One question you may want to ask yourself is "Where did this fantasy come from?" in other words what did you see, hear, or experience that caused this fantasy to become a stronghold for you? Crack the answers to that question and bring them in prayer to God and it may help you in your goal of getting past the fantasy and to the place of love making being
Quote:

about expressing love for and joy in each other and giving the other pleasure
as Liz put it so well.

Raymond 8th June 2007 06:27 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Thanks for your thoughts Married for Life. Those threads were a long time ago. Whatever happened to Liz?

I have obviously prayed and felt that God showed me an incident from when I was four in an orphanage I was in. I think it's possible to sexualise the wrong things and children are particularly vulnerable to this. So it's not a big problem but I still have to be on my guard. It never affected a huge part of my marriage, just something that would come up now and again, even much less now, but I still have times when I resist even when my wife suggests it.

Raymond

Married for Life 9th June 2007 04:02 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
That's great Raymond that God showed you those things and you are where you are now. By the way we all have things that tempt us that we need to resist so be reassured you are not alone.

Raymond 10th June 2007 09:42 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Thank you for that Married for Life. I tend to think women are not tempted on that level but are in other things. I find it helful to remember the Lord's prayer "Lead us not into temptation." We will be tempted but we don't have to enter into it.

Sometimes I am glad that I am tempted as it shows I have been blessed by God with a good sex drive, but there is someone out there who wants to pervert it.

Raymond

mermaid 8th October 2007 11:51 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Oh Liz, it was interesting you talked about praying before or during love-making; my husband used to do that and to be honest, I found it such a big turn-off to think of God being present in our bedroom. If you feel Ok with that, then it's Ok, but to me, I feel God would rather turn his head away and let us get on with that, it's private. It's just my opinion; love making I feel was meant to be about fun and not too serious.
Mermaid

Susan Strict 29th March 2008 11:40 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Raymond (and Mermaid), I strongly believe that sex in all its varieties (except those that harm others, of course) is one of the greatest gifts that God has given us, and one of the great joys that I am absolutely sure He intends us to experience to the full.

Pain is not necessarily harm and certainly not in this case, nor does it affect anyone other than the two of you in the relationship. If you want to be spanked and your wife is happy to do it, then what harm does it do anyone as part of the intimacy between you? I believe you should listen to your body's demands - of this type and others - and think seriously about any urge within you before dismissing it OR acting on it. Your question is "what harm could it do?", and if the answer is "none" then follow it. A prayer or two doesn't hurt but, as we all know, the answer is not always clear and unambiguous. Guidance is wonderful when it appears, but we all have free will and may take decisions of this sort for ourselves.

Above all, I think, just because your particular desires may not suit everyone does NOT mean they are wrong. As I said before, consider whether your desires - whatever they are - could lead to any harm to yourself or to anyone else. If not, then take the joy of it to its full, and be thankful that you have been given the gift and understanding of a pleasure that cannot be enjoyed by everyone.

Good luck.

Susan

MissonWorker 9th June 2008 03:13 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Dear Raymond

Heb 13:4 says Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Okay so when I read this I understand that whatever I do in my marriage bed in undefiled! Sex is a pleasure made possible by God for a married couple. There are no instructions in the Word as to how to do it. We just know that it is honorable before God. So If I want to enjoy sex outside of the mission style I understand it's okay with God! If the wife and husband are okay with it then so is God! I mean your Christians! This is not dirty but holy before God. I strongley believe that your okay Raymond before God if you and your wife are okay with it!
God Bless!

Kimberley1967 23rd February 2011 01:13 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Who is to say what goes on in the bedroom for one couple is wrong for another obviously if no one gets hurt. I believe that when you are married and you have made that committment then the bedroom is a private place and what goes on between husband and wife is no ones business. I also believe that thinking aboout God at that time may be a turn off as mentioned by Mermaid it wouldnt excite me I have to say.

Although since getting married our sex life has gone from strength to strength and I thought it was pretty wonderful before. The only man I think about is my husband even though it was a close call between him and Robbie Williams for a long time!

I believe that what goes on in the bedroom should stay there. I dont believe that God was specific in his details in the bible about sexual activities only that adultery was one of the deadly sins but I could be wrong so dont all fire quotations at me all at once.

chosen 23rd February 2011 01:45 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
I love it that God is included in our bedroom. My husband often prays that God will bless our sex life. God made us into sexual beings and he designed us to enjoy it.
Biblically God does say not to include anyone else(and that would also include porn surely?) and he also says that anal sex isnt allowed(bestiality). I cant see that Sadism and masochism would be very godly either, as it is a distortion of what loving sex should be, and also, clearly, not sex between 2 men or 2 women.

Raymond 23rd February 2011 02:05 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Kimberley's comments make a lot of sense to me. The rules would be no third parties which would include porn etc. as Chosen has said. Obviously we are not thinking about God directly at the time but one is still grateful in their heart to God for His blessings. I have learned to pray before the time in certain situations. You have a lot to thank Him for in that area Kimberley as have I.

I am not sure about anal sex as I know a lot, even christians, do this. It is not bestiality as that is about animals. It is not my cup of tea but if we are sticking to the precept that the marriage bed is undefiled I don't think we can judge others who do this. Sometimes we can imagine the worst when the reality may be nothing like what we imagined.

Same with oral sex. I know the teachers at Ellel speak against this and yet it is accepted widely in christian circles. Have you faith? Have it to yourself. If they have faith why should I judge.

S&M on the face of it is not right if we take the real meaning of those words. Masochism is wanting punishment which is very unhealthy. However there are a small percentage who are switched on through stimulation in this area which can be nothing to do with masochism (a kind of self hatred and low self esteem) or punishment.

chosen 23rd February 2011 04:09 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
I think that bestality means "like a beast"not just having sex with an animal.

Raymond 23rd February 2011 10:04 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
It's spelt bestiality and it can be looked up on the internet, which should show the nature of it. It is a horrible thing and as you rightly point out it is forbidden in the bible. Lev 18:33.

chosen 23rd February 2011 10:37 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
As is sex between men(anal sex).The back passage isnt designed for a penis, the vagina is. The muscles go the wrong way, and it can cause damage, especially later in life. It is designed for excreeting waste, and not for things to be put into it.

Raymond 24th February 2011 09:44 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
I tend to agree with you Chosen but I don't know if that is all there is to it.

I know that many christians will disagree with you. I prefer not to judge them.

chosen 24th February 2011 09:51 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
having had pesseries inserted a few times,(painful and not nice) the thought of anal sex makes my eyes water. The vagina is designed to stretch for the penis, and the anus doesnt in that way. Real damage can result, including muscle damage resulting in all sorts of problems.
As you say God judges anyway.

Kimberley1967 24th February 2011 10:57 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
I dont like porn never have and went to a convent school where touching yourself was also said to be very wrong. I still wont have porn in my house and never have touched myself I know that you all probably think thats a bit odd but it was the way I was raised and I dont think about it because I havent.

I sometimes have thoughts about my husband saying naughty things to be during the action so to speak but I get the impression he dosent like it so I dont ask and just enjoy fantasies in my head always of him though as we are newly weds. I guess when we are younger and there are no kids in the house etc you can be more open and have sex else where in the house or other places but nothing brings you down to earth than one of the kids banging on the door!

Raymond 24th February 2011 01:58 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Most inconsiderate kids. I trust you have a lock on the door.

A lot of couples enjoy specific verbal talk Kimberley so you are not alone. Sometimes I like my wife to do it but it doesn't come naturally to her and so it loses it's point really. Is it because I also went to a convent school at one stage? Maybe it's because of keeping pure all that time and now it is legal so to speak one needs to go the other way?

My wife also felt it was wrong to touch herself as it happens. So did I before marriage. I think you get a broad range of views on these things but I think you have the main point in that it is your husband and not some other person in your fantasies. It's what is happening in your head which is the important thing.

Kimberley1967 25th February 2011 11:06 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Yes the convent school rules really stick dont they.
It dosent bother me my eldest daughter thinks however I am the world's biggest prude! Each to their own. I know what you mean about initimate conversations in the bedroom if the other person dosent really enjoy it, its not worth it as it kinda kills the moment.

Must get lock on the door. Whilst my teenagers are in the other part of the house and are oblivious when my husband's kids stay they are 6 and 8 and nothing cools everything down like a hammer on the door.

Fantasies are okay like you say especially when they are about the one you love and are with. I personally think God looks down on us but realises there are personal times and keeps out of that. This has been my personal view.

I do still find that in times of unhappiness and seeking guidance I go to the local church and sit in the chapel and think things through. Although no longer a keen churchgoer for a number of years. I think faith keeps you going.

Raymond 25th February 2011 06:58 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
You have to stick to your principles Kimberley. What is a prude? Some say it's those that do not have sex outside of marriage. If so I am a prude. My thought about it is those who find it difficult to enter the open sexual relationship that should be in marriage. I haven't heard anything from you to show that you are a prude.

The word is an old French word that means honourable woman and only became a derogative term because it was used against those who did not share their immoral standards.

As you say fantasies are okay so long as it is about your spouse. Unrealised fantasies must eventually bring frustration though. Some of mine happen and some die a death. That's okay. It's all part of adjusting to the one you are married to. I think all the fantasies are mine. My wife doesn't appear to have any so it all comes from me. She does say I am exciting. So that is something.

Yes get that lock. You don't want the boys barging in. Hopefully it's easier when they are not there.

This is my second try of this post as I lost the first one but this is nothing like the first one?

I have been in two convents and a couple of other places and know all the instructions. Deep down I was always afraid I'd have to be a monk or priest. I didn't want a life with no sex. When I left I went to church a few times, probably out of fear and eventually dropped off.

Later as an adult I found out that the important thing was a relationship with Christ. When an invitation came I asked Him in and have never looked back since. Funny how I never heard about that in the convent. They didn't seem to show us any scripture. Only catechism and certain rules.

I am waffling on now as I am tired from a hectic week.

When I said intimate talk I meant mentioning intimate parts in an erotic way and what was going to happen. Not any swearing which I think would be demeaning, but nevertheless something that you would never say outside of the bedroom.

Kimberley1967 28th February 2011 02:05 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
I know what you mean.
I found Nuns strict and I hate to say it not very nice! Its strange that I left in 1982 but I still remember what they thought you should do and not do in many realms of life.

Had a long tiring awful weekend with the stepchildren result husband and I not speaking! So definiately no bedrooms antics for a while.

Take care.

Raymond 28th February 2011 09:22 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Don't let it go on too long Kimberley. It seems to me you have to work a little at accepting his children. I know you find it hard but that is part of him.

Chamomile 10th April 2011 10:57 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
I'm quite surprised by the very candid content of this thread. It's very remarkable and praiseworthy :) Praise the Lord!!

As for anal sex, I believe there's an extensive Biblical reference as in Sodomy.

Quoted from Wiki

Sodomy (pronounced /ˈsɒdəmi/) is a term used in the law to describe the act of "unnatural" sex, which depending on jurisdiction can consist of oral sex, anal sex, or any non-genital to genital congress, whether heterosexual, homosexual, or with human or animal.

In modern German, the word "Sodomie" has no connotation of anal or oral sex, and refers specifically to bestiality.

I agree with everything Chosen had said. I have heard about a famous female porn star ending up getting some emergency operation to fix her 8 inch "rip".

chosen 10th April 2011 11:25 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Chamomile, yes it was candid wasnt it.lol. I think its good for us Christians to discuss such things if it helps. In the world, sex is rampant, its everywhere we look. so as believers we do need to put Gods side dont we, and to be open about any problems and difficulties that may arise. God made us as sexual beings, and sex in marriage is good and blessed. I do think that some of that Victorian type repression of sex, as being 'naughty', still remains in the church(although it is improving),and that is so sad. I mean, havent they read the song of songs? It is very erotic.
People have tried to spritualise it, but its a description of love and sex between a man and woman.
Blessings

Chamomile 10th April 2011 06:45 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by chosen (Post 61470)
I do think that some of that Victorian type repression of sex, as being 'naughty', still remains in the church(although it is improving),and that is so sad. I mean, havent they read the song of songs? It is very erotic. People have tried to spritualise it, but its a description of love and sex between a man and woman. Blessings

Cannot agree more there Chosen :) Very inspiring too. Beannachd Dia dhuit

Raymond 10th April 2011 06:59 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
My understanding of sodomy is that the word same from Sodom. In scripture it is to do with what homosexuals do. I have never heard it connected to marriage.

chosen 10th April 2011 07:31 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
yes Raymond, its one of those grey areas I guess, but I know that for my husband and myself we both feel strongly that it is a no no, and that the back passage just isnt designed for that.
I have also heard from those who minsiter to, and pray with, those who have been into sexual sin, that evil spirits can be passed from one person to another through anal sex. To me it isnt something that I would ever feel comfortable with, and that God has given women a perfectly good place for the penis to go, and that is also how babies are conceived of course. I cant see how it can be done without causing physical damage, either then, or later in life.

Forever 10th April 2011 07:34 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
There is nothing more disgusting than having a penis in a poop shoot. Every stroke feels (from the one on the "receiving end") like having a repeated uncontrollable LARGE bowel movement. I understand the sensation is different and desirable for the man, but there is a reason that God does not want us to act contrary to what He intended in nature. Those who practice this often end up with all kinds of tears and infections and if continued long enough, end up wearing diapers to prevent "accidents" from happening unexpectedly. The smell and bacteria being transfered is enough to get a clue.

What "spirit" do you think is promoting this perversion of God's design?

chosen 10th April 2011 08:15 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
I agree forever, and that is why it makes me feel so uncomfortable. I know that it is said that if both spouses agree anything is OK, but I dont go along with that because surely for the one on the receiving end it must be exteemly painful and uncomfortable, and as you say it does do long term damage.

Forever 10th April 2011 09:18 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
I also think there are other sexual practices going on now days that the Lord would not approve of, but which the Bible is silent. For instance, what if a married couple thought that smearing their fecal matter, or spraying *cough* all over his wife's face were a thrill among other things? Where is the love and supposed intimacy in that? Or what if they both decide that watching porn together is going to enhance their libido? Is this what sexually loving our spouse is boiling down to now days? I think some things are just worse than what animals would do, and degrading in and of themselves, and wonder how such things creep into the bedroom. We can defile the marriage bed by the spirit we bring to it...worldly.

Once those kind of lines are crossed, it is hard for the man especially to go back to what should have been considered normal and satisfying.

Raymond 11th April 2011 10:12 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
I've never heard of any christians approving of porn Forever. Surely that is obviously wrong as it is introducing third parties into the bedroom and could open the way to temptation for one or the other.

As for the other you mentioned I won't even comment on it is it so disgusting.

Where did the Christian Marriage sex forum go?

Chamomile 11th April 2011 10:19 AM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
I agree with both Chosen and Forever.
As you two, wisely mention, it looks like that various health-risks associated with anal sex are well documentated.
Attraction of anal sex must have something to do with the association of having power and control in giving anal sex to a woman who submits herself to this. Perhaps, the real attraction is crossing that boundary and a sexual deviation from the "norm"?
I would not be surprised if Porn has its huge role to play.
It's a shame to be honest, if there are some minority of Christian men who think that this type of sexual act would be giving their wives a great pleasure.

Forever 11th April 2011 03:32 PM

Re: Christian Marriage Sex Forum
 
Raymond,

Seventy percent of men in the USA that claim to be Christian, (that means many unsuspecting women are marrying or are married already to these men), are caught up in porn. This is the reason why all those disgusting things are creeping into the average bedroom and why even Christian women are having to deal with such things.
These women CAN NOT even talk to their Pastors about the horror of it all, because some of the things that are happening are too humiliating and would make the Pastor turn green. Oh, and by the way...fifty percent of Pastors are caught up in porn here also, so who is safe to go to? It could also lead to a divorce once the husband finds out what has been exposed from the wife...kind of ruins his pious image.

Of course you have not heard of Christian men approving of Porn. They would never admit to approving of it yet they are still doing it.

That is why this was brought up in a Christian Sex Forum. Luckily, we are anonymous here. Where else can they go? If they go to a secular forum to find out what to do, they will be told to "loosen" up and learn to enjoy....even called names for not wanting to do these kind of perversions. Porn is the gift that keeps on giving.

It is an EVIL spirit that is seducing our men into perversion of every kind, and taking what God meant to be very good and turning it into something degrading. In my opinion, even the man who is wanting to do these things is just as degraded...but enjoys it too much to stop.


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