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Old 5th September 2012, 08:55 PM   #2
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Re: Husband Has Rage Issues- Should I Leave?

Dear RedR...

Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry you are in such difficult position. You are in a deteriorating abusive marriage. First the rage is turned on things and then later you are the one who gets the abuse. I know what I am talking about, because I was in a marriage like that.

Usually after a blow-up things are good for awhile. There are apologies, I love yous, and gifts and special treatment. You live between the bad times and if you are very careful maybe it doesn't happen so often. Women who get into such a marriage usually start off from divorced family, or already broken childhood. Sometimes, that absent father figure means a woman has little concept of a really good guy. It also is true that one may not have good job training or lacks confidence to support oneself, so there are dependency issues.

You are right that birth control should be high on your list! God forbid a child is born into a violent household. He probably has cut you off from your family/friends. The pattern in such marriages is to isolate the woman and discourage any outlet for help she might have. He probably gets real angry and red faced if you confront any of these issues.

You need to nourish any link with family, friends you might have. Hopefully you might have job skills or can get some course work for future. When you have a job you can have a bit more personal power. Are you close to his family where their influence would help? I worked, took college classes, and got a Real Estate license to leave. I kept a bank acccount separate to have the means.

If he would agree to get anger management class that is helpful, but most will not admit there is a problem. Is alcohol the source of his courage? There are groups to help. Take one step at a time. It seems you already have made a decision and just lack the means.
You could be badly hurt in such a marriage. I was badly hurt and required hospitalization and many months to recover.

Does he have job problems or worry about unemployment that stresses him? Could this be situational? Does he turn his anger on th epets when he is angry with you? If so, you need to find new homes for your animals so no one can abuse them. That is more common than you realize.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 5th September 2012 at 09:03 PM.
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