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Old 3rd April 2012, 01:09 PM   #2
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Confused & Scared

Three things immediately struck me Marie, although there may be nothing in them.

Firstly, and I hope it isn't this, but it does sound a bit like I love you but am not in love with you. We get a lot of that on here and nine times out of ten another person has appeared on the scene of the one who says it. I think you need to check this aspect just to make sure.

Secondly sex. If we haven't come together bedroom wise for a time then it can feel like just friends but not lovers. If I feel that then I know I have been neglecting the bedroom part of our marriage, but that is up to him I suppose unless you are one who instigates as well. A bit difficult if he has moved to the spare bedroom though but maybe it might have been a factor.

Thirdly was he actually working on the marriage? They do need work sometimes. It's more than feelings. One needs to love on purpose as well. In other words our wills need to be involved which comes from commitment. I think your need is quite legitimate in spending time together. That is quite reasonable if you are married. Of course you need to be careful how this is put across so it doesn't sound manipulative but it is a need not only for you but for the marriage itself, if it is to survive. He seems to be neglecting this side of it. It is great that you were confident enough to have seperate holidays but perhaps this went too far?

To me he sounds a bit ignorant of how a marriage works and perhaps marriage counselling for both of you together will help? It is a vital part of life and happiness to get it right.

I don't think moaning will help as it is like nagging which can be a killer. You need to learn other skills as the former two are akin to manipulation. You are right you need time together. We need to think of ways to get it across without moaning.
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