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Dont feel bad for not being the same as Joyce Meyers husband. He was one man and you are a different man. We are all different.
I am wondering if you have depression that may benefit from seeing the doctor? If you are depressed it stops you from feeling emotions to any large degree.

Also give it time. This turnaround is very recent. You know a large part of a good long marriage is companionship. If your spouse can be your best friend and companion though life that's a blessing.
What you had (or though you had) with the OW, wasn't real life. The attraction that you felt was intense because it was new and exciting and forbidden. That too would have died down, and once it did, the day to day living/working/sleeping etc would have been far more routine. You remember it with such powerful feelings, because it never got past that initial attraction phase and into real every day life, so you can make it what you want it to be in you mind.

I can understand that your current situation is hard for both of you. For her to feel that she has to be perfect or she may loose you must be a strain, and we all want to be accepted as we are, but do persevere and don't allow yourself to think about the OW.

I don't know where you are spiritually, but Raymond and I are Christians, and talking to God(our amazing Father) is a real help, and He cares about every aspect of our lives. If you want to, just talk to Him as if he was in the room with you, nothing 'religious', and pour out all this stuff and ask for His help. Be honest and open.