View Single Post
Old 19th April 2014, 03:45 AM   #46
1aokgal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Question for men - I would apreciate your candid opinion

Edgy...

You had a strong attraction at the beginning, but perhaps you didn't talk about things that are important when you bond into a lifetime. The issues would be how you each feel about short term goals and long term goals. You have a strong drive to self actualize, and that may have been from the fact you didn't get safety, security and love needs met as child. He seems to have always had strong bonds with his mother, and family, to the point he doesn't have the same drive to succeed that you display. Maybe he wants things, but doesn't know how to achieve to get those things. That could make him somewhat reckless in how he handles money. Didn't you say he lost a bit at the Casino? Everybody knows that the house wins. So gambling is taking a risk that average working people can't indulge to do.

Anyway, I hope you have a good Easter weekend. Maybe you have some points to think about from here. Sometimes it helps to get the input. In any case, you have some healing to do and when next you talk to him don't beat up on each other. If it is over...let it be as kind and courteous as you can make it. At least, end well!

I think it is safe to say most mothers think a someone interested in their child might never be good enough. That is moreso when that child is a male. His mother would naturally discourages the idea of your having children, if that marriage is not a stable one. Children never save a marriage, but can sure sink it. If there are already problems as a child requires their undivided needs are met for a long time. Children do not seem important for you, so it might not be far off the mark to say perhaps marriage is not for you.
Not all couples want or need children but your focus is strictly on your needs and desires and not on both of you as a couple. There are sacrifices that are made in marriage and, usually, the woman is the one who needs to make them.
It also comes down to where women were originally placed in this world as the companion and partner to the man, since the original man. I defer to my husband.

Edgy, I think you may not understand that biblical principle. I don't think man is necessarily smarter, though , he may be stronger perhaps. Where should a woman be placed in relationship to her man? I say that he is head of the household by the respect that I pay to him. I have to confess this, rather crudely, that I can be quite a ball buster, forgive my bluntness here, but I am pretty aggressive and focused when something needs to be done. Yet, out of the love I bear my husband, I will not get the last word, when to do so demeans him or takes from him, the right he has to make some decisions for us. I will bow to his decision in important matters because, if I did not do that, than we have no viable link to continue together.

My husband works overseas many months at a time. I buy the houses, cars, and make financial decisions that concern us. He is not here to do this. In his absence, I still consult/ask him in advance for his opinion, and if he is opposed to something , we go with his decision, not mine. I will always give my husband that respect! I don't try to prove how independent I can be or how decisive, when to do so robs him of the right to decide as a man, how we will be. I defer to him. YOU decide what you do, how and when you do it. That indicates your husband has NO power in your marriage. You don't respect him and you describe him as the child. The only way he could hold any power in your marriage is to knock you down and walk over you. You don't make way and that robs him of his ability to be strong in your marriage. That can emasculate a man when the power is imbalanced between a husband and wife.

If you teach a child to wash dishes, and he may do a poor job at first, he will never learn if somebody else steps in and yanks the job away from him. In a sense your drive, deprives him, of being the man for you. He has been emasculated to achieve anything because it will never be enough for you. That feminine side of you must want him to do things for you? I am not talking about now he should give you money. I am talking about before you both got to this sad point in the marriage. Maybe I don't explain this well? I don't mean to be all critical, but to introspect a little on these points. Do you ever defer to your husband?

I ask a question. What do you owe your husband? If you ask me, I say, " I owe him everything." Until you can put your feeling into being less about you, there is no marriage, is there? I open this up to Chosen or Raymond, as well, because maybe I express this wrong. What duty is owed to a husband?

Last edited by 1aokgal; 19th April 2014 at 04:50 AM.
  Reply With Quote