1aokgal

Dear Buttercup,

Of course, you might be attracted to another man when your self esteem went to the ashcan after an infidelity! You may still be angry with your husband and feel "pay back" in the back of your mind.

Right now, you see someone attractive who seems to notice you. That is not a terrible thing. It is just not a good idea. What can't be a good plan is to explore a friendship with a man outside of your marriage. I agree with Helen completely that hurt makes you vulnerable, but intelligence has to beat out temptation.

If you want to save your marriage, your effort has to go to repair the damage. You need to understand what happened. You are the victim, agreed, he steppped outside the marriage vows. Maybe both of you were too busy to nurture you relationship? Did he ask your forgiveness? Did you agree to work things out? Are there children in this marriage? It sounds like there are a lot of years invested to lose it all for a walk on the wild side. It just would not be worth it.

Sometimes I doubt some men are even monogamous! Maybe there is an internal button of the hunter there in some. A wife has to look for the signals. Maybe you can talk out some of the issues for this affair. I hope you work through this attraction because it won't make you happy.

Of course, no one judges you that you noticed an interesting man. Just don't develop a friendship that will only lead to a tragedy for all concerned. Make your marriage a "keeper" by investing the time to work through the probelms. You will never regret doing the right thing.