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Old 6th October 2014, 08:58 PM   #29
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Wife wants to get her own place and wants space

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopeless case View Post
No, I suffer from anxiety and low self esteem. She knows it and has constantly tried to reassure me that I'm good at my job, a good partner etc but still my mind tells me I'm rubbish etc. so for 7 years I haven't listened to what she's saying until now she says she's looking at flats and suddenly I'm seeing my GP and the like. She says I need to be doing this for me not anyone else. Last night she said its still just words at the minute. It's like now I see the light she's standing behind waiting to flick off the switch. I suspect that every time I've ignored her good words it's been another little piece of us gone and now there's nothing left for her to really bother about.
Thank you for your explanation HC. I understand where you are coming from now. I truly suspect that you had a childhood without that much nourishment and therefore would have to rebuild the self esteem. We all have intrinsic value. To undervalue yourself is as bad as overvaluing yourself. It must be hard for your wife who loves you for you to be confessing that you are no good etc. That is an assault against her judgement of you as a husband.

Who told you that you was no good I wonder? Mother? Father? or someone else in authority. You cannot truly love another if you do not love yourself or put another way you cannot value another if you do not value yourself. Value from someone who believes they are no good is not worth much to be honest.

Personally I get my value from God our father. I was brought up as an orphan and have been sexually abused etc. I have every right to think that I was no good and unwanted. One day everything changed and I discovered how much God really loved me. Not only me but everyone, but most do not appropriate it as it only comes through His son. Do you know who that would be? These things are also worked out in relationships as once you have self worth your have a confidence which wasn't there before.
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