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28th January 2012, 10:03 AM

Hello

Just joined to post this, please be gentle with me as I am not in a good place at the moment!

I am 47 and my wife 35, we've been married for 8 years and lived together for 2 years before that. She is a recovering alcoholic and over the last couple of years her "need" for me in her life has reduced. I feel that the AA recovery system has caused this (I am proud of her achievement in this area) along with advice she has received from others in AA. We were very good friends for a couple of years before marrying and I don't really know whether she loved me at all, or married me in the hope that she may get some feelings for me.

Things hadn't been good for some time and came to a head on 28 Dec, leading to us removing our wedding rings on New Year's Day (great start to the year). Due to redundancy I have been unemployed since October so she is staying at home most of the week for commuting and I stay there, alone, on Saturday nights. Probably through guilt she says my savings (far more than hers) and pension will remain mine and we are sorting out a Deed of Separation through solicitors. We are staying amicable and in time will be friends again, but not in a hurry.

It is now 3 weeks since I moved out and if anything I feel worse than I did at first. I am now on anti-depressants but am full of thoughts that somehow she'll ask me to move back in again - my head knows that this won't happen, but my heart just won't let go. I am struggling to keep any interest in things I was interested in before and am having to live with, and dump my thoughts on, my mother who is in her 80s and doesn't need this.

Half of my thoughts are about wanting to be back with my wife, and half are a fear of never being with anyone ever again. I am a naturally quiet and slightly introverted person, until I get to know someone, and can only see the move in with my mother becoming permanent and a life ahead by myself. I've been seeing a counsellor and had hoped for some form of local support group but cannot find anything, so am posting here.

I guess these are thoughts that loads of people have on separation, but I just don't know where to go from here.

28th January 2012, 10:03 AM	#1
Sigh Guest Posts: n/a	How do I move on? Hello Just joined to post this, please be gentle with me as I am not in a good place at the moment! I am 47 and my wife 35, we've been married for 8 years and lived together for 2 years before that. She is a recovering alcoholic and over the last couple of years her "need" for me in her life has reduced. I feel that the AA recovery system has caused this (I am proud of her achievement in this area) along with advice she has received from others in AA. We were very good friends for a couple of years before marrying and I don't really know whether she loved me at all, or married me in the hope that she may get some feelings for me. Things hadn't been good for some time and came to a head on 28 Dec, leading to us removing our wedding rings on New Year's Day (great start to the year). Due to redundancy I have been unemployed since October so she is staying at home most of the week for commuting and I stay there, alone, on Saturday nights. Probably through guilt she says my savings (far more than hers) and pension will remain mine and we are sorting out a Deed of Separation through solicitors. We are staying amicable and in time will be friends again, but not in a hurry. It is now 3 weeks since I moved out and if anything I feel worse than I did at first. I am now on anti-depressants but am full of thoughts that somehow she'll ask me to move back in again - my head knows that this won't happen, but my heart just won't let go. I am struggling to keep any interest in things I was interested in before and am having to live with, and dump my thoughts on, my mother who is in her 80s and doesn't need this. Half of my thoughts are about wanting to be back with my wife, and half are a fear of never being with anyone ever again. I am a naturally quiet and slightly introverted person, until I get to know someone, and can only see the move in with my mother becoming permanent and a life ahead by myself. I've been seeing a counsellor and had hoped for some form of local support group but cannot find anything, so am posting here. I guess these are thoughts that loads of people have on separation, but I just don't know where to go from here.