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Old 15th December 2012, 08:44 PM   #192
Forever
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,408
Re: Married and lonely

Well Chosen, if you can recall...he had an issue with "accommodations" in marriage last year, thinking that it would be a selfish thing to expect a spouse to do something which they did not want to do...and that it would spoil the whole experience.

I rather agree on some level with George in that. Why? Because sexual experiences are the most intimate...whereas accommodating a spouse by doing other types of things such as throwing out the trash or cooking the way he prefers does not seem to be such a deal breaker and delicate issue.

It really does not get to the heart of the matter even if she forces herself to yield to him...I think he wants it to be a mutually satisfying experience and a joy for both.

This is never going to be forthcoming as it stands now. There are other issues preventing even the simplest form of sexual accommodation going on here.

His wife RULES. Now, how to break through that?! What should he do that would not violate his own conscience to guide his wife into happy submission?

Edit:

Something that just came to mind...many years ago, my husband said that his ex wife had become more or less a "refuser"...citing his lack of spiritual leadership, parenting skills, bad habits, and the growing of disrespect for him. After some coaching which resulted in no change in her perspective, he said, "fine...I will refuse to go to work hence forth, being I also have a lot of issues over there too, and you can continue refusing to have sex with me...fair enough?" Things quickly changed. Point being that sometimes we need to "yield" to each other to make sure that basic fundamental needs are being met...she only wanted the two children and continued provisions...but he needed continual "support" too in his own basic way.

I asked him if she resented having to accommodate him sexually. He said that she did not appear to after that, citing that she never really thought about the fact that he did not enjoy what he had to do to provide for her and the children either...and that helped her to be less self centered and more giving about his needs.

Last edited by Forever; 15th December 2012 at 10:22 PM.
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