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Old 6th April 2009, 05:44 PM   #55
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Re: I don't love my wife and never have...


It's been a few weeks since I posted, and I just caught up on the discussion.

I have had a bit of time to think about things. I have also worked through some of my own mother-related issues that make being with her so difficult sometimes.

As somebody stated above, "seeing me as her dad" and Aspergers are indeed two separate problems. Since her dad was an absuive, manipulative, controlling A-hole, this issue OR the Aspergers would be enough on their own to bring a marriage down.

She has done a lot of growing, and is self-aware enough to know the root causes of a lot of her issues. However, she hasn't done enough work, at a deep enough level, to overcome them. (This is not unique - most people with deep emotional wounds don't). I have no doubt that she loves me, but when she says things like "I feel like you've never loved me", "you just want someone to cook and clean", and is generally blind to all the love and domestic support (plus being the only wage earner) that I do bring to the marriage, it gets old.

And then there's the times when her Aspergers kicks in. Her brain neurons fire uncontrollably, flooding her brain with electrical impulses, and she yells and screams, either at me or the kids. Her unresolved issues mix with her neurological deficits to create an unholy witches' brew of a situation, that neither she or I can control. It's not that often that it gets REALLY bad like that, but it does happen.

Her ASD also creates a lot of conflict over sex. She wants it one way only, and over with as soon as possible. I would like someone who is a little more capable sexually. I have no plans to go out and cheat on her though.

Despite all the above, I do love her, and am not planning to leave her. It's just difficult sometimes though.

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