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Old 9th May 2009, 11:02 AM   #60
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: I don't love my wife and never have...

Hi Torn. I have read your posts. I am sorry not to comment on them immediately. It looks as if I ignored them. I concentrated on Andrewbees post as I was talking to him when he was on here before and I was interested in an update.

I don't know why you married a girl who you didn't love. It was a great disservice to her. You must have something of a people pleaser within you which is not always a good thing as you can be manipulated against your better judgment.

Now that you are married I think the situation can be redeemed. I think you have this woman in the palm of your hand and could crush her to bits if you wanted to. It is quite frightening to me. I don't thinks she deserves this beause you didn't have the courage of your convictions. She has given you her life and her body and her everything in fact. This can be the basis of a wondeful marriage believe it or not.

You are seeking this romantic love. A lot of people who start off with this still end up in the skids after a very short time sometimes. A lot of the time it's one person falling in love with someone and that someone submitting to the love in the other person. It is a tremendous gift you have been given if you can see it that way. You could build a wonderful marriage if you really committed to it.

My own marriage was kind of like that. The girls I loved didn't respond but this one was in love with me for two years without me knowing and couldn't eat her food. I can't say that I had the romantic love for her to start with and in a way I was the responder. Once married I was never going to be unfaithful and loved her on purpose responding to the love she had. Over time the love has grown deeper and deeper and the bedroom more fulfilling. As I have worked on it the marriage has really blossomed. I have a fantastic wife (26 years now) and things came to fruit which were very unlikely to start off with.

I think down the line you could make a great marriage simply by loving her on purpose and responding to her love. I think it would be a great mistake to dump her. Everyday I count myself so fortunate to have the wife that I have. In the end Torn everyone has to work on their marriage regardless of the romance they started off with. You can learn it. You truly can.

There are so many breakups going on today where people say I don't feel I love you anymore. If you didn't have the feelings to start with you are in a great position to get it right by just cultivating a practical, caring and yes a sexual love for her.

Some people may not agree to what I have said, I know that. You have two roads and I know what the better road is.

Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote