View Single Post
Old 20th July 2010, 12:27 PM   #102
Helen_uk
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,531
Re: I want to understand

Hi So Alone

Don't be too sure that he isn't thinking about you, some people seem able to hide their feelings pretty well.

It's been almost 4 years since I split with my ex and he finally moved out of our ( my ) house a few weeks ago..I moved out 18 months ago but he stayed on. We've not had much communication in the last couple of years but strangely we had quite a long conversation on MSN the night before he finally left. I managed to get a few things sorted that had bothered me since ( and during ) the split.

He had always seemed very distant and switched off toward me , whilst I was a complete emotional mess at the time and I asked him why he'd been that way ... He said the only way he'd been able to cope with seeing me so hurt was to completely block everything out and retreat into a shell... he still cared about me and while I was the type of person who wears my heart on my sleeve , he tends to bury his feelings as self protection . He'd had quite a repressed childhood and showing emotion was considered a bad thing.

I asked him why he was so adamant that he wanted us to stay in touch whilst I basically wanted him out of my life , he told me he needed to know I was safe ... It seems to me that once time had passed and I was settled with someone else he felt able to come clean about his own feelings .. for me, us and on the break up. I'd spent the last 4 years thinking him cold and callous and without any remorse at all, appears he did feel remorse just didn't feel it right ( or that it would help ) to display it.

4 years down the line , having gone through every emotion toward him from deep love to desperate hate I arrived at disinterest and was able to wish him well for his future ( and mean it ! ) and not panic at the thought of never seeing or hearing from him again.

The feelings you're having are perfectly normal and they do pass , not having a truth or honest answers to your questions is hard , but you start to realize that at the end of the day the reasons don't matter so much , the outcome is what matters and what you do afterwards.

I wish I could bottle that feeling I have now and send some to you..

Hugs

Helen
Helen_uk is offline   Reply With Quote