View Single Post
Old 10th August 2014, 12:02 PM   #1
ralfgarnett
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,076
Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

My wife and I separated just over 4 weeks ago and it has been awfull as it just came out of no where, we have been together 20 years and very happilly married for 17 year, however early July my wife left for work as normal we kissed, told each other we love each other and see you later, however she came home that evening and said she had been crying all day and we needed to talk, she told me she loved me but wasn't sure if she was in love with me any more and needed space , obviously this blew me away I couldn't of been more shocked, anyway she has been staying at her mums and from time to time we spoke or mailed each other, before anyone asks neither of us have been cheating we don't do things like that we think its disgusting, however this past week or so we have communicated really well since a couple of times by phone and a few times by e-mail, we spoke yesterday and both agreed that we love each other but are not in love with each other, to me it makes no odds love is love to me you can twist it any way you want, we are meeting up in the week for a coffee and to discuss where we go next, we have both said we want to stay friends for life and even take trips together to places we both have mutual interest and interest in such as Flanders, The Somme, and Malta so that can only be a good thing, it will of course be separate rooms but that doesn't bother me one bit, maybe I'm get old or just wiser but there is more to life than sex, I prefer good company and friendship and if she and I can have that together for life then that is honestly fine by me, we have been married 17 years and we have both said divorce isn't even an option neither of us want one or need one, we have always been close and even at the moment while we are both hurting we are being kind, understanding and gentle to one another, we have never been a couple for Jeremy Kyle style arguing, name calling, sleeping around, domestic violence or any of that filthy kind of stuff those human rats go on about on that vile programme, instead we just like to be quiet and calm around each other and talk and listen to each other the best we can at this difficult time in our lives we are even going to set out some ground rules about the time we spend together do's and don'ts that kind of thing we are both working on the rules and we are looking to agree on what we both feel is important I know it sounds a bit cold and structured but I think its very important to know where we both stand and she agrees with me, but I am feeling happier and a bit more confident that some time some how we can have some kind of future together in some way, Im not being unrealistic she is not moving back in now or even any time in the future but who knows how things will work out in time, and in my opinion the current situation seems quite positive but of course I would value any feedback or opinions that any of you can have and share with me but please be honest I need to hear honest opinions not just things to make me feel better, I wanted to add we are both in our 40's my wife thinks he might be going through the change, her dad died a few years ago and she has never grieved properly, she is also under a lot of stress at work.

Many thanks
RG

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 10th August 2014 at 12:11 PM. Reason: to add extra information
ralfgarnett is offline   Reply With Quote