Baroness

Sasha, your behavior towards your husband at times is very understandable. It is hard to be gracious and nice to a man who would rather look at naked women, no matter what magazine they are in or what his sources are. If my husband had a playboy magazine and tried to tell me he was looking at it for the articles I would laugh in his face.

The point here is that our men shouldn't be looking at magazines with any type of nude women in them. It isn't where they are looking at it, its that they are looking at naked women. The hurt you feel causes you to react like you did on your trip and maybe by saying what you did in front of your friend, you were trying to find out what he would say about it.

When he said nothing it only made you more upset and I understand why you react like you do. I think you loved him very much at one time but he has destroyed a lot of those feelings and you have every right to feel the way you do. He acts like he just doesn't care but we can't know what's going on inside his head.

Perhaps he doesn't care anymore and isn't trying. It's a merry go round with him acting one way some days and then better others and then he just goes back to the way he was acting. I know about this and my advice is to not expect him to change that much. Only God can change a person but the person has to be willing to change and listen to what God is trying to tell him.

God gave us free will and if he chooses not to heed what God is telling him then nothing will change. He knows its wrong to look at porn and he doesn't care who knows it. I do know how you feel; you've been hurt by this man for so long that you can't see anything good anymore, only the bad in what he does.

I would suggest you take your eyes off of him and put them on God. Men are human and they will have faults just like you and I. Your only peace of mind and salvation in all of this is to turn your thoughts to God and what you do have, such as your son and your relationship with God.

I find it helps to occupy yourself with other things. A hobby, or just getting out of the house for awhile or taking a walk. Perhaps if you treat him with indifference like he does you, he will see how it feels. A husband looking at naked women, whether it be film or magazine, is like a slap in the face. I don't know why we have to endure such things from men we love.

I have been in this marriage with no sex and I was going crazy and was very angry because it seemed as though he didn't care but I started thinking differently and now I just convince myself not to dwell on it by doing other things, turning my thoughts elsewhere because obviously getting upset and dwelling on it isn't going to help.

If they would talk to us about what they are feeling maybe we could understand but since they don't we are left to guess what is going on and if they look at other women then it only intensifies our resentment and hurt. I started focusing on losing weight, not so much that I thought it would make a difference to my husband, but because I knew I would feel better about myself.

I have lost 6 pounds in two weeks and I haven't starved myself but walk a lot and eat smaller portions. When we focus all our attention on another person we are sure to be let down and maybe God wants your thoughts more on him and less on your husband and his problems.

If things don't get better then perhaps you should think of making your own way because this can't be good for your son to be around and you must think of him. It isn't fair when a man or woman change things in a marriage and stop giving affection. It gets confusing because you don't know whether to stay or go or what's best for your child.

Praying about it is the only thing you can do but if your heart is not in the marriage then perhaps it is time for you to go. This isn't healthy for anyone in your household and its very frustrating to want something from someone and they never give it. But being resentful isn't going to help you. It is very stressful and then you ask God why he is allowing this to happen to you.

I did that and instead of leaving him I turned to God for the strength to get through it and I treat my h just the same even though nothing has changed. I had to accept that he was just that way and I either live with it or not. Sometimes we can't afford to just leave because of finances so we feel stuck.

But we don't have to be. We have a big God and he can show you what to do and when to do it. Or he can give you the strength and courage to deal with what you have to. I think that you need to hear positive things from us and that we shouldn't be snapping at each other on this post because that doesn't have anything to do with the issue here and isn't helping.

We all have a right to our opinion but not everyone knows how you feel and what you are going through. It's hard to be sunshine and light when you feel your world is crashing down around you. But you can't let this destroy you or discourage you because your son is looking to you for guidance and his young life is what's important.

You are dealing with a lot, just as I did with two young children and I left my ex and I have never looked back and have always been glad I did what I did. I had to protect my children and regardless of how my h acts now and what I am going through, I still do not regret doing what I did. I can't tell you what to do about this.

All I can say is that God will help you do whatever it is you need to do, just as he did for me.