[lostlove]

Hi rk1,

I get the feeling that you know that what you've done was the wrong way to solve your problems. Instead of solving things, you've made them more complicated. I won't shout at you because I've been in a similar situation (maybe not as deep as yours) and think that I can understand why you started an affair. But the bottom line is that you need to end the affair now. I'm not going to tell you you're not in love since I could never know, but what I do know is that when we're in marriages like the one you describe it's very easy to think you've met your next soulmate. It's disconcerting when we realize that is not the case.

Before you start having relationships, you need to square things with your wife. Counseling, either individually or as a couple is a first stop.

As for the sex, have you ever seen "Everything you wanted to know about sex, but were afraid to ask"? The story about the frigid Italian wife? If not, to sum up, the husband thinks the wife is frigid, then discovers by accident that she heats up when they have sex in public (it's comedy...). The point is that in that story the husband (played by Woody Allen, incidentally) discovers that his wife has sexual preferences that even she wasn't aware of. Perhaps your efforts with lingerie aren't what she's looking for. Instead of trying to turn her on with what turns you on, you need to think about it the other way around... There is also sex therapy, which isn't as seedy as it sounds.