[confused70]

This is my first and only relationship, got married within 18 months and married for 12 years, now have two children (10 6). We didn't meet until I was just gone 30 and in the previous years i had a pretty mad 2 years which involved practically every night out drinking and a variety of one night stands - the day I met her this all just stopped dead.

For a number of months I have become more isolated from the relationship between us, on the family side everything normal. Around the same time last year I had similar feelings although had not isolated myself as much from her, however there was a big thing going on for her and i had decided if it failed then I would leave. It didn't fail so I decided to knuckle down and sort myself out and carry on - this did not involve talking or saying anything to anyone and after a couple of months everything seemed to be fine. Then after we came back from holiday started to feel the same again however much stronger than before and it all blew up over the weekend. Long story short over the space of 48 hours changed my mind from in love, out of love, in love, out of love to which finally walked out of the house with nothing by car keys and my jacket - during the last out of love bit she called a friend round for support. I just sat there and said it without any emotion or feeling as didn't want to have a shouting match with her and wake the kids and told her i didnt love her, that has really hurt her along with changing my mind about it.

Came back the next day to drop the mother of all bombshells - i had been unfaithful 3 years previous - kissing and bit of touching nothing else on one night only - but kept it quiet for all these years. For her this is how her previous relationships have ended so I knew this was a big problem.

After our 2nd child was born I started to go back out again with the old gang in my pre married days, they are a good laugh but have found myself slipping back to the old ways, chatting and flirting with anything around just cannot stop myself, also when walking around etc I catch myself looking at other women.

I wish I had talked to someone earlier as once again I had said nothing to anyone, not even the internet, just sat letting it fester and bubble away until one little thing set me off.

I have a counseling booked in the coming days as a start to getting things straight in my head as its just a jumble of noise - my wife wants the answers to why was i unfaithful 3 years ago (got way to pi**ed and it happened truth be told) and how can she be sure I will "not love" her in a month, 3 months a years time and go through this again. Until then I am living from a carrier bag sleeping between friends places whilst trying to be there for the kids as much as possible.