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Old 3rd December 2005, 10:58 AM   #7
Joanna
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Dear ChristianWife

Thank-you for your comments, to which I would like to reply. First, though, I would like to re-cap on some of the words featured in standard marriage vows:-

Quote:
to love, cherish, to have and to hold, for better or worse, till death do us part




Please note the absence of phrases such as "as long as I feel like it" or "as long as you still fit into a size 10". Also refer to 1 Corinthians 7 v1-5.


OK then - I agree that its better to be sweet and affetionate rather than constantly demanding. But when months slip into years, this gets increasingly difficult. Its about give and take, but when one partner is not giving, then reservoirs begin to run dry. And yes, I do pray to God to fill them back up again, and He does, but I am only human. And yes again, I do try and initiate sex and intimacy, but again the walls come up, and a stony silence ensues.

It would perhaps appear that it would be better and easier to not say or do anything in the hope that "his sexual drive may just come back on his own". But I do not see any hope of this happening. And if I look back in 10 years time, and see that the only reason that we have not had another baby is that we have not resolved this situation, then I am going to feel very bitter and resentful, and this will threaten the health and even existance of our marriage.

I think that the level of hurt and rejection experienced by a woman in a situation like this is difficult to understand by someone who has not been there. I feel very hurt and damaged, and even if my husband were to say to me tonight, with a twinkle in his eye, "lets have an early night, sweetheart", I would still have alot of healing to do. I feel that he has taken the gift of my sexuality, which I gave to him alone on our wedding night, and has looked at it, considered it rubbish and tossed it aside. This may or may not be the case, but's how I feel. And I would like him to realise and acknowledge that his actions (or lack of them) have had an impact on me and have hurt me, regardless of whether that was his intention.

I have a great deal more to say to say on this, but I think thats enough for now. Once you start, its difficult to stop! I appreciate any comments, but please dont assume this is a superficial or easy to resolve problem.

J
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