View Single Post
Old 16th November 2007, 03:10 AM   #28
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Dear Raymond...

Thank you for your input. Yes, my husband is an enigma. I don't doubt his devotion to me but I wonder sometimes if he lives on the planet? I cannot fathom that he thinks he is a good husband. Through these years we had fiery discussions, arguments, and went the gamut of all things that should work to revitalize the dead part of the marriage. Or at least, I tried. It is no longer important to me to guess his dysfunction or rationale. That is his problem. Mine, is to survive.
I am not the quiet reserved type. I bought a boat when he was months overseas at his sea job there and pilot it quite well. I took Flamenco dancing a few year back and loved the clothing and dancing. There is the dramatic sensuality of the dance. I felt really alive and happy. My passion now is to make and wear Victorian clothing to special events. I will be dressed in a magnificent ballgown on Saturday for a formal Victorian dinner event . He will wear a frockcoat and top hat as he chose to join me in this fantasy land. Now I wish I was going alone. Somehow I don't want to sparkle for him anymore. So boring, I am NOT.

Then, there are times I cannot hold it together when I think that half the marriage has been in celibacy not of my choosing. His is the unilateral decision to have no sex in the marriage. I feel as a Pariah in society and a deceiver who is married...but is not married. Too many years alone inside my skin makes one feel like a freak of nature. There is a perceived deformity in me which is enormous ..even though it cannot be seen from the outside. It has scarred me on the inside. It is hard for me to be in gatherings of people.
In December, this will be the 14th year of this hell. I think he even mentioned to me in a discussion how ten years ago I jogged regular, really toned and was so svelte that men were following me around. Yes, that was true. If he was so bothered by that why didn't he alter the scenario?
I still love beautiful clothes, heels and my perfumes. I am still woman..I think.

I told him the other day that my best friend and her husband go on "date night" Wednesday as dinner, dancing and sex after as part of their 30 year marriage. My friend is horrified at the information I shared with her awhile after we met. I reinforced the sexual part of that story of their night to him. Says he.."Well we should do that. " I did not reply as was on the tip of my tongue," I would believe that when the sky starts to fall." I have heard all the mouth service before..for years. "I am leaving for work overseas for 6 months, when I get back I will go see a doctor, get counselling, have sex...yada, yada, yada.
The truth is the damage to my self esteem is so severe I think I would curl up in a corner at the first movement toward me. We kiss on the cheek, on the mouth like a buddy when you leave ..the peck on the mouth. I think I am biding time to die sometime. Now that I do have a serious health problem the inner loneliness is worse. I hate to realize that the marriage will never change and I am beyond approach now as I might recoil.

I have thought to begin Samba lessons or dance classes again. He often works overnights and next year will be gone for perhaps 6 months. What do you think? Maybe I should just get out again, wear my pretty clothes and let him to his own devices.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 16th November 2007 at 06:52 PM.
  Reply With Quote