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Old 16th June 2009, 09:37 AM   #12
Helen_uk
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,531
Re: Is anyone brave enough to read the whole thing and offer some words of wisdom???

Being friends after a relationship has ended is a nice idea in concept but you are going to be putting yourself under an enormous amount of emotional pressure . You obviously still have very strong feelings and not the type one would have for a friend.

To be able to form a friendship with an ex partner you first need time to heal and also to ensure you don't have other motives for wanting to keep some kind of relationship going i.e you're not harbouring hopes of getting back together. It seems to me that you are from what you've posted.

Having been in the exact same position let me give you a taste of what it actually feels like.

I wanted to hang onto a " friendship " with an ex and so we continued to share a house for some time after the split. It was hell..... He saw the split as final and so went about living the single life he wanted, that included dating. I had to repeatedly watch him going off to meet his new g/f and even had to listen to him talking about her ! I started to realise that I'd really thought that if I could keep him close he would realise he still had feelings for me and that in time, given the intimacy of sharing a house and so to a certain extent our lives, we could rekindle what we had. Eventually it dawned on me that wasn't going to happen and in fact all I was doing was drawing out the agony and not getting any kind of closure.

When a relationship ends and it wasn't your choice I think you tend to cling onto any vestige of hope you can and can convince yourself that it isn't really over. Emotionally this can cause a great deal of damage ..... It makes it so much harder to recover, build up your self esteem and finally move on.

For your own sake please look at why you feel the need to stay friends and ensure that you will be able to cope with the fall out. I found in the end I was much happier not knowing what my ex was doing or with who !

Helen

Last edited by Helen_uk; 17th June 2009 at 10:51 AM.
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