View Single Post
Old 28th September 2011, 10:06 PM   #3
Njadh01
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: help wife left and i wrecked my chance

Hi Rich..well if it's a midlife crisis...it's probably been building for a few years. No doubt you've read up on it, so no need to go into great detail on the "symptoms".

Based on personal experience and those of others, at this time you're the devil incarnate. The entire marital history will be rewritten with you in that role. Any good about you and the marriage will be looked on as manipulation and control.

Sorry to say but if this guy she's hot on is available and has an interest (especially if it's a situation where he can push all her buttons and has emotional control) there will be at the very least an emotional affair...even if in another time she wouldn't have given him a second look.

You have to do exactly as most who have been through this thing on the left-behind side would advise - be kind, when you speak..speak softly, don't argue..walk away if this happens, but don't be doormat, don't go looking for evidence of her affair...you'll probably find one so don't bother it's wasted energy just assume there is or will be..and really it has nothing to do with you, fix everything you can about yourself, focus as much as you can on your child, avoid "relationship" talks with her. Do a 180 and don't contact her other than for anything related to the child, day-to-day household issues, etc.

She's villified you to this guy and he only has one side, and won't care about yours. But regardless of his own marital situation, and "soulmate" status, it will crash and burn. Only 3% of all affairs become marriages or long term realtionships.

Sorry I know it's tough to hear this...as I said I'm living it too. We're all brothers in this thing. However on the flipside, her danger is you do make profound changes in yourself. You're not the adulterer who bailed out on the marriage so won't carry that guilt. You didn't make the choice...or have a choice. Now you can move on without guilt and make another woman a great boy friend or husband...after going to school on the marriage.

All you can do it detach, look for the good in life, look after your physical, mental, spiritual health. In a crazy way you will find that even though this is a tremendous shock with a lot of heartbreak, it can be the most positive thing that's ever happened for your own growth. You were okay before you met your wife. You'll be okay if she leaves for good. There were things about you she fell in love with. Those things are still there, and now all the other qualities about you will come out too.

Hang in there my friend...
  Reply With Quote