2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums - View Single Post - I feel unsupported by my husband

19th July 2011, 10:02 AM

I work full time (over 4 days) while my husband stays at home and cares for our 2 year old. I don't get home until about 6.30pm and I then help our daughter finish her supper, get her ready for bed, read to her and put her down. This is great because I get some lovely quality time with her. My problem is that my husband is not doing the normal domestic duties that I would do if our roles were reversed - ie cooking, washing up, laundry etc. So by the time I've finished getting our daughter to bed (usually around 8pm) I have to start dinner and usually just end up washing up what's needed. We have a tiny kitchen so I have to work in chaos. My husband also complains when I don't do the laundry regularly enough. I do 4 long days so I can be at home on a Wednesday and my husband works for a few hours then (as a teacher) so I try and fit in as much as possible into this day (cleaning the bathroom, washing the dishes left from the last 2 days, I also take my daughter to a playgroup - my husband never takes her out and I feel socialising her is very important).

Obviously this is all very one sided - my husband is fantastic at DIY and is building our daughter a wonderful playhouse and has done a great job in out garden (we have recently moved) but he prioritises this over all the mundane stuff so I have to pick up the pieces or (which is more the case) it just doesn't happen. The sad thing is I don't think my husband sees any of this important so whenever I raise it I am dismissed as nagging. He is looking after our daughter and doing a wonderful job teaching her - she's usually very happy and bright as a button - and I think he sees this as his only time role. I am 100% sure if he was at work however he would still expect me to do all the domestic stuff.

This has gone on for years in one form or another - he has rarely worked full-time in our 13 years as a couple and I am starting to seriously feel used and abused by his lack of support around the house. He gives the impression of being a modern man but under it all I think he's just a chauvinist. I feel at a total dead-end because he does not consider these things as important - I agree, however they do have to be done. Help! I am completely stuck and starting to feel really down on a regular basis and I am losing respect for him.

19th July 2011, 10:02 AM	#1
sophie Guest Posts: n/a	I feel unsupported by my husband - HELP! I work full time (over 4 days) while my husband stays at home and cares for our 2 year old. I don't get home until about 6.30pm and I then help our daughter finish her supper, get her ready for bed, read to her and put her down. This is great because I get some lovely quality time with her. My problem is that my husband is not doing the normal domestic duties that I would do if our roles were reversed - ie cooking, washing up, laundry etc. So by the time I've finished getting our daughter to bed (usually around 8pm) I have to start dinner and usually just end up washing up what's needed. We have a tiny kitchen so I have to work in chaos. My husband also complains when I don't do the laundry regularly enough. I do 4 long days so I can be at home on a Wednesday and my husband works for a few hours then (as a teacher) so I try and fit in as much as possible into this day (cleaning the bathroom, washing the dishes left from the last 2 days, I also take my daughter to a playgroup - my husband never takes her out and I feel socialising her is very important). Obviously this is all very one sided - my husband is fantastic at DIY and is building our daughter a wonderful playhouse and has done a great job in out garden (we have recently moved) but he prioritises this over all the mundane stuff so I have to pick up the pieces or (which is more the case) it just doesn't happen. The sad thing is I don't think my husband sees any of this important so whenever I raise it I am dismissed as nagging. He is looking after our daughter and doing a wonderful job teaching her - she's usually very happy and bright as a button - and I think he sees this as his only time role. I am 100% sure if he was at work however he would still expect me to do all the domestic stuff. This has gone on for years in one form or another - he has rarely worked full-time in our 13 years as a couple and I am starting to seriously feel used and abused by his lack of support around the house. He gives the impression of being a modern man but under it all I think he's just a chauvinist. I feel at a total dead-end because he does not consider these things as important - I agree, however they do have to be done. Help! I am completely stuck and starting to feel really down on a regular basis and I am losing respect for him. Last edited by sophie; 19th July 2011 at 03:33 PM.