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Old 22nd October 2009, 08:25 PM   #70
mmh
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Amber,

I, too have my MSW, and work as a therapist. It's very hard to know that me and my husband need counseling, but he won't go. And, like you, my husband was extremely affectionate before we began a sexual relationship (we waited 9 months before we had sex). He's only been with one other woman (his ex-wife) and when we first got together, it was exciting and passionate. Several months after our sexual relationship began, he began to withdraw and no longer initiated it.

I, too, am a Christian. What concerns me is that I don't feel guilty about the affair I had, and to be honest, I would have another one. I have talked to my husband so many times about this, but he does not see that we have a problem. He does not kiss me unless we are going to have sex, because he does not "see the point". We have opposite kissing styles, so even though our sex life is good (when we have sex), his kissing no longer turns me on.

I miss that passion and excitement we had when we first got together. His thoughts? No one can be together as long as we have and still have passion. I miss that and want it back! My self-esteem has gotten so low because he never looks at me THAT WAY. I can walk through the house naked, and he doesn't even look away from the TV. I talked to a male friend of mine, who said that this is not normal. He said that I should be beating him off with a stick because he should respond when I'm naked. I have back problems for which I take medication and it has caused me to put on some weight. I'm constantly worried that is the problem, although my husband says it's not. He was this way when I hadn't gained weight, so I believe him.

His first wife left him for another man, and while I could not understand how someone could do this, I now understand. I have even threatened to find someone else to meet my needs, but he just thinks I'm joking. I can tell him about things other men say to me, and he just laughs. I don't know if he doesn't think I'll cheat or if he just doesn't care anymore.

I don't know what to do.
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