Baroness

I just read, or shall I say re-read the passage of the woman at the well and there is a lot more to it than what you said to me, but the point is that I love him whether he be fiance or husband and I have still made a commitment to him. Why is it that before, when you thought we were married, you and others attitude was to just stay with him and take whatever he dished out and now you're telling me to dump him.

In reality you are saying that wives have to put up with whatever their husbands do and when you love someone but aren't married to him you don't have to put up with anything and you can walk away. Then you say to separate right away which really isn't something you should be saying. You shouldn't tell someone what to do and I have been married twice and I know the way this works.

Just because you're married it doesn't mean you have to just put up with your husband cheating, looking at porn and masterbation but some of the women on here do exactly that. I understand about what you say about a covenant and that marriage is one, and I say that you can be faithful and have a covenant or an understanding with a man you aren't yet married to.

I had my husbands cheat on me, this one has never done that. Yes,I can walk away at some point but only when God has released me to do so. God wanted us together in the beginning and if you knew how he was then you would understand. He has come very far, closer to God than he was before and it is our soul that God is concerned with first.

I think you should be very careful before telling other women to leave their men because they aren't married to them. First of all, I have a home with this man. You expect me to leave my home with all my things and walk away even though I have no finances at this time? I am not married to him but even if I were I would not expect him to pay for everything like most wives on here do.

I am still my own person and we still have built a home together and there is still love between us. A young christian might have taken your words to heart and actually packed up and left with no where to go and then where would she be? Is that what God would want? The answer is no. When I make a commitment to someone its a very serious thing and has nothing to do with us actually being married.

I know a common law marriage is not recognized by God or other people. I don't care about the other people but I am also not committing fornication, as you call it, I don't, because I am not sleeping with him and haven't been for over a year and even when I was I did not label it as a 'dirty' thing as you have insinuated. It was wonderful and he asked me to marry him and I said yes.

And what would anyone have said differently in the beginning? They wouldn't say, yes ,we know how you feel because my husband is cheating on me or my husband doesn't want sex or my husband looks at porn, etc.? If you ask me, the women on here have put up with far worse than I have had to put up with.

And yes, I can leave anytime but that would be the case if I was married to him also. I doubt the woman at the well felt married but we can never know that, God looked beyond her sin to her inner being and she wound up telling everyone about the messiah. You do not know what I had to put up with in my marriages. One was a drug addict and the other cheated on me and was mentally abusive to my son.

My fiance has never done any of those things and at first I didn't want to marry him and then the more I knew him, the more I loved him. We have been together for almost ten years but I haven't lived with him for all that time. Only since 2008 and I thought things would be so much different. I thought we would get married and live a happy life because we had been together for awhile and this is when I was not that close to God.

I won't explain why but a series of events transpired and so I wasn't going to church and even though I would pray, I was on my own course. Now I am back with God and I don't like the circumstances of not being married and the other things, but not being married is the least of it. I will not leave him as soon as I can, as you suggested, and you had no right to suggest such a thing.

If I leave it will be when I am able to do so, if I stay it will because God has willed it so. My intentions are honorable here and I thought I would be married by now, not that marriage is such an important thing to me, but because of what the bible says. He says when our finances improve we will get married and we discussed this again recently. His first marriage was done in Vegas and he wants us to have a church wedding with all the trimmings.

Now, if he decides to marry me, then I have to decide if I want to marry a man who doesn't want to have sex, and this is a problem for me. Whether I am married or not has nothing to do with the situation, it is still the same and I still have a problem here. If you are too prideful or think yourself too self righteous to understand what I am saying and sympathize, then don't respond, but I might remind you that pride cometh before a fall and you have no right to judge me.

Be careful, Forever, lest you take a less stronger christian down a path where she does not wish to go. Marriage has never been kind to me and so I must be sure that's what I want to do before joining the rest of the helpless wives you must always submit to their husbands every whim.