Re: I can't let go!
You are living separate lives under the same roof. There is no marriage in the real sense of the word. Even when he is there he wants nothing to do with you. It must be a very lonely existence, but from what you said it was always like that, but the children being there masked it.
The choices are yours, accept it and makes your separate life for yourself, or leave.
As I said before though, I think you need to tell him just how deeply unhappy you are and see what he does or doesnt do first. His reaction to you threatening to leave will say it all really. Will he be relieved and not be worried, or will he realise that he doesn't want the marriage to end and actually make an effort?
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