Thread: I can't let go!
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Old 30th September 2013, 09:23 PM   #40
Pamela
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Re: I can't let go!

Well, he's been appearing to be a bit nicer to me, again as long as I don't bring up the subject of this other woman. Even spending a little bit, not a lot, but a noticable bit more time... but I still have had my guard up. I'm not putting my head in the sand. Then... this weekend I was curious to look at some of his bank statements. I found one from this past July where he wrote her a check for $150. I was shocked! The date was around the same time he was after me to give him half of the mortgage money, because he couldn't handle it by himself. And of course, I did get half to him. Today, I'm at work, and I sent him a note with a copy of the check (writing to him is much easier than trying to talk to him face to face) I wrote, "I hope this is not happening too often because we can't afford it." He replied, "I bought a fishing rod from her. WTF". I wrote back that I knew he would say that! (Logical alibi)

So, maybe he did just by a fishing rod from her, or maybe he's giving her money on a regular basis... I don't know for sure. I told him he needs to be upfront and honest with me about this. I am tired of finding things out like this. She is obviously a part of his life. He wrote me back still claiming they have nothing more than a friendship, strictly based on fishing. He says he knows I don't believe him when he says there was never and never will be a romantic relationship with her...that it angers him that I won't accept that and keep accusing him when it's not the case.

Well, this check copy does not help anything. I wrote him back telling him everything about how I feel. I don't want to argue and fight with him about this. I don't want him yelling at me that I'm wrong and losing it. I definitely don't want to hear that I'm to blame for him being broke anymore! I let him know when he attacks me verbally everytime I try to talk to him about this it pushes us further and further apart. I'm tired of him hiding what is going on between them. If it's nothing more than friendship he should tell me upfront about dealings with her, especially knowing the profound effect she has had on our marriage. I know this has all put me in a different place in our relationship. Right now, I don't believe anything he says to me. I'm suspicious about all his time away from home, and assuming he's spending time with her. I think he's staying with me because it's "home", our financial obligations, and he knows a breakup behind this would be awful. But I don't know what direction I'm going in right now. I would be fine without him. Financially I make good money. He is covered medically under my insurance plan which he would lose if we slipt up. I just don't know how much more I can take. I always feel like she's getting the best of him, and I am left with his, often, grumpy attitude. I'm just getting tired.
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