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Old 9th August 2008, 10:23 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 4
Exclamation i need help, dont know what to do

I married young, at 18. I am 21 and just celebrated my 3 year wedding anniversary a few days ago. My husband is 30 (though looks my age) and latino. we live together in guatemala.

several months into our marriage he started getting easily frustrated and i started being the ''i'm sorry'' girl. so after about a year of that i got mad at myself for being so, and stopped saying sorry every time (but i still do when i am wrong)

well then he started talking about divorce and how we shouldnt be together, every time we had any small fight. it could be a fight over who left the lights on and he would still talk about divorce and such.

i tried everything to make things better, from talking... hinting... crying... giving him time... yelling... asking his friends and family for suggestions... nothing was working, so finally i left him.

i came back when he asked me to (as i hoped he would have) but that day he did the same thing, 3 times in one night and i realized he just didnt get it. so i left again. said i think we needed a divorce (honestly i didnt mean it, but i had no option).... so i was hoping with me saying that seriously he would think like ''oh crap... that's not really what i wanted'' and try to change. so anyway after a few days separated he asked me back and started to change his angry habbits.

great so i'm happy with that. but that is the base of my big problem now. a few weeks ago he said he thought we might be leading to divorce cuz he's not sure if he loves me anymore... because (get this) he's not sure he can love me completely after i almost left him. so he took it back a week later, said he loved me, was going to give our relationship a try. great... try

that aside... i tend to be jealous, but hear me out.. it's not because i am jealous of girls, rather my husbands behavior. ie... i was only jealous of one girl before, because of HER behavior, she was rude to me and he stopped talking to her after many fights over her worthless sluttish bottom.

so... he use to get annoyed at me for spending too much time on the computer (i use to spend an hour or two a night on it to talk to my family in the usa and friends) so i stopped going on at home cuz i have internet at work anyway and am pretty much free to browse the web here, easy solution.

bringing us to the current big problem... where now my husband acts distant from me. he doesnt talk to me much now. when i talk to him he doesnt like to look at me, he generally looks at the wall or something else. he complains if i ask him to watch a movie with me or play a game with me. he then proceeds to talk online to his friends that he JUST saw in work half an hour ago... until the depths of night, and when i complain about it just gets annoyed.

when i say i'd like to go out more often, he says we go out all the time and he spends enough time with me, he shouldnt be expected to go every time i want.

ok so i tell him my point isnt going out more often... it's HIM asking to take me out sometimes. note: every single time without exception that we go out, i have to ask for it, and 97% of the time he complains about his being too tired, but then does it anyway, as though to say ''i'll do it to get you to shut up but i'm not happy about it!''

so he complains we should go out to bars with friends i say ''sure, i'd love to'' but then he never does. then he says he doesnt see his family enough or go out without me enough. i say ''if you're only going out with guys, no problem, go out once a week if you want'' and i try to push him to visit his family.

he complains that i am too jealous... example of said situation, last night our coworkers (we work in the same company, different buildings) asked us to go out, so we did. i asked him to get up dancing and he refused so another guy asked me to dance, i asked for his approval, he said ok. so i did, but 3 seconds later my husband was dancing with another girl.

so i said after at home ''next time dance with me instead of some strange girl... fine if i am dancing with a guy you are dancing with a girl... but if you tell me you dont want to dance, but tell a strange girl yes. it hurts''
of course he got mad and said i was crazy jealous and his favorite ''fine i'm never going out again!'' line (he does that with anything)

little while later, the beer rep. girls were taking a picture with our group, and i was in the bathroom, i came back just as they were taking the pic. i saw the pic, his coworker had her face cheek to cheek with him whilst i was in the background like a stranger. it really made me mad, but instead of talking to him, i wrote the website for that beer company where they would post the pic and said ''please delete that pic, that's my husband and rest assured it will start a fight in the future if you post it''

now... when my husband i were dating and recently married and such... he was so cuddly. always kisses and hugs and ''i love you'' and ''you complete me'' kinda stuff....

i don't expect that now being that i know guys arent always like that anyway.. but now...

he wont say ''i love you'' he hates it when i kiss him or hug him in public. on the street, restaurant, anywhere... he will try to avoid it, like turn his head quickly. he also gets annoyed if i try to hold his hand in a restaurant.. and he will not ever hold my hand walking, on the street, in a bar, or even at home.

it's like.. if we're not making love i dont get any attention that would imply i was in a romantic relationship with him... the bad thing that he had no problem taking a pic like that with his coworker, but if we were to take a pic together, he would not try to pull me close, or even try to get close to me. he doesnt even like taking pics with me anymore.

i dont do anything without asking him normally. i mean i would never dance with some strange guy if he didnt approve, i would not go out if he asked me to stay home. i ask for his opinion when i want to be something we really dont need.

note... he didnt like that i dont like to cook, i've been cooking more. he didnt like that i dont like to clean, i've been cleaning more. he wanted a maid and i refused, until now... so i got one to wash the clothing. he said it drove him nuts that i didnt use mouth wash, so i use it now. anything small or big he didnt like i changed.

i dont know what to do. I have tried to talk to him about it. i have tried reverse psychology. I have examined every aspect of our relationship and done trial changes to see what helps. nothing does. i try to dress different ways he likes, i try to put my hair up different ways (i normally dont wear my hair up or wear make up). i try to play his video games with him more. i try to get him his favorite candies like marshmellows more often just for him. i am normally a very very affectionate person. and so i tried the opposite, giving him space and such. as said, i even tried to leave him... that just ended in ''ok, then leave'' kinda attitude.

nothing seems to work. really i am so lost. i dont want a divorce so no one suggest that, if i leave for a few days surely he will ask for the divorce. i want to avoid that. so... me leaving aside, what can i do? i need help... i am lost... when i talk to him, no matter how i try to approach it and what situation it always ends up with the intonation of ''evil crazy jealous wife'' (with the sarcasm of -yes im such a horrible husband, why are you with me-)

i've suggested professional help, he refuses.

please i'm begging for anyone for any advice on getting through to him just that i need some attention too, and he should be careful how he behaves with other girls

(by the way... he would never cheat on me, that i know. yes i'm certain and for good reasons)

PaulsJadeAngel is offline   Reply With Quote