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Old 10th August 2008, 05:21 PM   #4
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 4
Re: i need help, dont know what to do

i know the problem he had previously with anger was a very latino thing... well at least for this country. i see it with all the men here, and thankfully he has toned that down a lot.

i am not afraid to talk about this stuff with him, as i feel ignoring these things is rather foolish. i also had a very bad background, and it wasnt until i was 17 that i finally could sleep one night without crying. i never had friends in school, i was very made fun of... and my family life was beyond complicated, so until i met my husband i never shared my worries with anyone. i bore secrets for years that eventually tore my family apart when they came out... and i know i have a lot of emotional difficulty for that.

though it makes my friends angry, my husband has told me at some points he wanted a ''normal wife'' (ie.. one that didnt wake up crying from a nightmare). i get frustrated because now maybe i will cry only once every few weeks. i have had therapy when i was younger, and absolutely everyone says i am very strong for what i went through... and i live a very normal life compared to others that have gone through the same.

so i know that is part of his problem, and i do my best (it saddens me but i dont have much choice) to avoid talking to him about it when i feel down.

i learned my lesson that keeping quiet does more harm than good... and so i do talk to my husband, and i have talked to him about this in many ways, many times and situations. (it seems the best thing so far is talking to his friends and not him, and when they mention small bits of indirect advice it seems to help slightly).

the difficulty i have is that.. i know what my husband does not like in me, that i dont enjoy cooking and cleaning... i bite my nails (yes i am trying to stop) and such things as that. but what the big problem is that every time i change one thing he doesnt like it doesnt seem to affect his attitude, so i feel like maybe there is something that has changed in me for the worse? and he doesnt want to tell me... he has said some very very mean things to me in the past... extending to ''i hate you'' (during a fight) ''i wish i never married you'' ''i dont think i can deal with you for much longer'' and such things. he always appolgizes after, but they hurt (he hasn't said this for a while) but i dont understand... how he can tell me these mean things, but it seems like he's afraid to tell me what really is bothering him?

i do try to respect what he feels about strongly. ie... i was obsessed with ancient egypt since i was 7 years old, and so i had a lot of arabic friends. he seems to be jealous, like he thinks they will steal me away from him, and so he doesnt like arabic men. so to try and make things better i also stopped talking to all my arabic friends (save for my 3 good friends that he has no problems with).

by the way, i must say.. yesterday he was exactly what makes me happy. i was surprised, but he actually kissed me 2 times without my pushing for it. he said ''i love you'' once and was cuddly and attentive. i dont really know why... wish i did so i could make it happen over and over again :P but it made me soooo happy. maybe his friend is getting through to him. hehe.

maybe things will get better, i hope, got my fingers crossed.

PaulsJadeAngel is offline   Reply With Quote