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Old 18th February 2012, 10:02 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,408
Re: Advice needed. 10 year relatiosnhip

One can only hope that this is not a case of "too little, too late". While the marital issues that have developed from your problems (and the way you have chosen to handle them thus far) have created a serious rift, the PRIMARY concern is that you must become healthy. It often becomes the loss of the marriage itself that is the focus in these kind of situations, but things will revert back to the old ways if you do not approach the root of your problem and resolve that FIRST to prevent it from happening this relationship, or God forbid, in the next one to come.

If your husband and marriage becomes the "collateral damage" of your past reluctance to see a doctor or get appropriate help, no amount of crying or begging can substitute for your mental and emotional you will not have anything to bring to the "table" that he can see as a desirable reason for wanting to try and salvage what is left of this relationship. You have seen the result of groveling and begging, and it puts off a person who has little feelings left to invest.

Your biggest fear is that he will take up with another it not? So you want to secure the marriage first...but that is not what his big fear and concern is. He is fed up and has lost any "drive" to be patient, to have hope, or to stick around and "assist" you, as this has gone on for so long with little to no progress. This is a very percarious situation because he has lost so much of what it takes to see this through to a favorable end. Meanwhile, there was evidence of someone else lurking in the shadows.

I would contact that woman if you still have reason enough to believe that she is still in the picture, and explain to her what has been happening to you historically, and let her know that your hope is to repair the breach in the marriage without him being "influenced" by her before you have had a chance to do that. It is a bit humbling, true, but what do you have to lose at this point? He will likely find out if he is still in "contact" with her (which is another BIG issue), but if he gets angry about you talking to her then he is far more disconnected from you than you have realised...and your next move would have to be to back off, and sadly, allow this to go in whatever direction that it will.

Part of his attraction to you going forward will have to be reclaiming your dignity and self respect, as well as you being able to take responsibility for whatever will come in the months ahead. He is your husband(?), but still, he must be free to choose what he wants to do in spite of the pain that it causes you, and without you heaping guilt and/or reprisals onto him.

Did you ever marry? I do not know what "OH" means.

Kindest Regards

Last edited by Forever; 19th February 2012 at 01:59 AM.
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