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Old 21st September 2012, 10:12 PM   #5
1aokgal
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,006
Re: Marriage Problems

Dear Templebob...

Quit playing detective tracking after her footsteps. It is very simple. Tell her that nights out without you to meet others crosses the line in this marriage. You might suggest next time she gives you story she will see a girlfriend..tell her you think you should tag along and make an evening together. If she pulls another evening idea tell her she may have to get a locksmith as you will bar her entrance to the house. Tell her that such behavior is not going to be tolerated and you find from looking into this, she has lied in the past. See what she has to say.

Go out with her when there is outing she wants to go to somewhere. If she lies about being out with friends and then she meets men instead, that is deception of the worst kind. Tell her you will not tolerate that behavior in future. Take a stand before you have a bigger mess in your lap!
If there is a big conflict over the issue, stand your ground. They say if you give someone and inch, they will take a mile. It seems you were too easygoing so she has stretched the limit with her unacceptable behavior.

If some counselor says it is OK for her to meet men, when she is out in the evening alone, than you need to change counselors as that one has water on the brain. She should not have evenings out alone. If she has a legitimate business meeting some evening that is a different story. I would say...use some vigilance in that respect and offer to drive and pick her up!

Why are you so passive and tolerant? Maybe she wanted to see some passion in your reaction to her activities? Instead she found it was OK with you. A child without limits feels unloved. In this case, she is acting out some immature behavior and perhaps testing your feelings. Your turn to call a halt there.
The ball is in your court..or you need to grow a pair.

If she is meeting men on the side, I doubt it is to attend a sewing circle! What is she looking for out there she can't find at home? Maybe you have to have a full fledged meeting of the minds to agree on what kind of behavior is acceptable or not in this marriage. In a traditional marriage married women do not slum around meeting other men whether YOU know them or not.

How long are you married?

Last edited by 1aokgal; 21st September 2012 at 11:14 PM.
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