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Old 1st October 2012, 01:00 AM   #4
Forever
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,408
Re: I just can't forget!

Hi Chosen,
Apparently she said she has NOT lost trust...which means she is still dwelling on the "why's" of something that happened ages ago, not something that just happened two years ago...that is when she actually found out. Her husband has proven himself to be trust worthy over many years since that time, so it is not as if she tends to think that he might repeat that same mistake.

Her problem is with forgiving as she has stated. Moving on in the marriage would require that to happen, and then to put it to rest in her heart and mind...but she cant. What is she to do? She elected to stay because he is a better husband than he was way back then when he did the deed, so she weighed all that into her decision to remain in the marriage.

Playback is haunting her and it is the devil himself at work because she does not know how to battle her own mind and banish the enemy. That is what she needs help with here. Maybe someone can come up with something in just a word that can help, but it is simply a matter of telling herself the truth about the man he is now and has been for years whenever those thoughts pop up.

Remember the story in the Bible about the woman caught in adultery? The religious people brought her before Jesus expecting to be able to stone her to death and get His approval...which was customary and part of the law...before the idea of forgiveness abounded . But He said instead, "let those who are without sin cast the first stone". They all knew they were sinners...some in a bigger way than others...and ALL left the scene. I bet her husband was shocked to see her walk back through their front door rather than having to bury her body huh? And I bet her husband had to reconsider the reasons why Jesus Himself did not condemn her, but instead, told her to "go and sin no more".

Now I realize that this is difficult, but there is a way to overcome our tendency to hang on to the injuries of the past...and it is to keep telling ourselves the facts about the offenders repentance as well as to banish the thoughts as soon as they arrive on the scene in our mind. It can be done if we want to...unless we enjoy our righteous posturing and licking our wounds too much...I know it from personal experience.

So her choices are to "stone him" (as she likely already does in her heart from time to time), or forgive him and be finished with this chapter in her life. I suspect that if you give advise to go "easy" on herself for too much longer, she will develope a martyr complex, bitterness, and become cold and aloof at a time when she should be enjoying her future with him. There are women and men who take liberty in mulling over the past sins of their spouse, only to end up being surprised by their spouse becoming bitter for the lack of genuine love and affection that needed to be reciprocated.

Last edited by Forever; 1st October 2012 at 06:00 AM.
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