[Forever]

Agreed that time can be a great healer. But it depends on the situation. If you had thought that you had to stay with your Ex after what he did, time would have only made it worse. As it were, you kicked him to the curb straight away, divorced him, and started the healing process w/o him being in the household...and it was hard enough to do even that much given the nature of his offense.

She, on the other hand, wants to salvage the marriage and has to live with him in order to do that on a day by day basis. So she needs something more than just time to cope with this. That is why it is so important to give her practical remedies that she can turn to whenever the replay going on in her head begins...he did his part, now she must do more than just wait it out to succeed.

She can decide what will work for this situation...I only know what worked for me given that I wanted to forgive and forget while still remaining married.

Something else to consider...1aokgal. Her situation is likely never to change after twenty years. But she has held fast to the love, admiration and respect that she has for her husband even in the face of their issue. She could not have done that had she not paid special attention to his many loving qualities rather than allowing her mind to throw her into constant pity parties no? She took inventory of his love and did not throw out the baby with the bath water...and does not live a life of bitterness which would have surely ended their marriage. In other words, she lives a life of forgiving and there is a special place in Heaven for those who can do this. There are many others here who have done it both ways...divorcing, or else, employing practical remedies that saved their marriage. I think it is of utmost importance to figure out which one a person desires to do and then advise them to that end.