1aokgal

Dear All..

I think whether Baroness stays or goes, it is about her entrapment in financial questions/concerns, that decision rests. She stays because she doesn't feel empowered to leave. It isn't fair to continue to live with him, who is mid 60's, as Chosen mentions. This man has no responsibility to either support her, or to marry her, if he doesn't feel he wants to do that. The man has a bad back, yet he has bunked on a couch to allow her the bed for a year, from what she said here.

So while he has no legal necessity to uphold her living expenses, he has maintained her there. It seems he is trapped by her inability to move forward.

There is a legal premise in the US. Never allow a person to sleep over in your house, unless you agree with long term living. This situation can become the same as a "hold over tenant" who stays beyond a lease. I don't think (in this case Gabby & Baroness), are joint tenants legally, as Baroness a legal co-tenant on the apartment lease. They are not married. So if one is not a legal resident in the apartment, as a joint tenant, she has his permission to be there. Suppose he thinks it is long enough? How does that effect the couple who now reside together?

The only way to get a hold-over tenant/friend out, who overstays the welcome of a sleeping arrangement, is to serve them with a legal eviction notice. That notice copy would then go on file with clerk of the court to prove legal date of service. Landlord, Gabby, then has another 30 days as this is a pay/vacate notice to file a secondary intent to force the one out. At that point, if the "holdover tenant" has not vacated, a sheriff is empowered to put out the person and belongings. So, in other words, it can take 60 days to legally move them out! So a verbal agreement can become a mess, when the romance might be over in a live-in situation. That is one more reason not to enter into a living arrangement without benefit of marriage.

I think with the cool arrangement betweent this couple now, there is no prospect or desire to marry for either. The romance is not only over, it is VERY over. Not a good situation for either of these people! The purpose of the thread here is for posters in a sexless marriage to post on the subject, a "sexless marriage." The thread has become a diary for one lady, who is in a bad situation, to talk about how she feels emotionally about that scene (as Chamomile said. )

We all wish we could assist Baroness to feel empowered to change this situation for a happier life. I think it won't be resolved! Baroness will have to move with a relative or consign her life..and his..to anger and further limbo. I have to say that a man who will choose to sleep on a couch for months, with a bad back, shows a tolerance if not kindness, for her comfort. It would be kind if the man would discuss his feelings with her. I don't think now Baroness needs to apologize (again) for her omission in the true state of the relationship. We get it, why she felt she might get censure here, as she has. The thread has prolonged beyond the purpose, as it was intended. A Moderator might close this thread!

When posters no longer posted here on this thread, it was a diary for one person. This is an unhealthy couple with a holding pattern that is painful to hear. When it isn't a marriage, there is no leverage for the refused party, except to leave and make a better life somewhere else. Though we know there might still be time for both parties to find a happier relationship, there is no chance as time passes, locked into a stalemate. Most of us here would choose to go back to family, relatives or friends to help us, rather than to stay in a lonely, alienated roomate situation. Is that how others see this situation?