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Old 4th May 2010, 08:52 AM   #4
Wiggle
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Re: I want to understand

Hi So Alone,

You'll find there are several of us on this site that have gone through something very similar. I'm seperated from my depressed ex, who currently is making comments like he 'doesn't know what love is', and he 'doesn't know who he is anymore', he 'feels numb inside' and 'doesn't know what he wants'. Does any of that sound familiar?

Dazed & Confused and Up & Down are spot on - depression seems to cause men to push those closest to them away. They seem think to exactly what your H has said; they blame those around them for their depression and think if they can push them away, they'll push the depression away too.

You've got to set boundaries for yourself too, otherwise it will leave you emotionally drained and exhausted trying to make sense of what he's saying, and it sounds like you're exhausted already. See if there's a local group near you that are for carers of people with depression. I'm going to one tomorrow evening to get some more insight. Hit the library and get some books on depression - try not to overload yourself, but learning about it will reassure you that it's not your fault. There are also some great web sites. I'm on http://www.sane.org.uk/DiscussionBoa...wforum.php?f=5
which is a forum specifically for those worried about or caring for others with mental health issues, including depression.

Call on friends, your family, anyone you can for help and support. It's a lonely place because the one person you thought you could rely on through thick and thin is sick and isn't there for you, and you need care and support yourself to get through this. I appreciate from your post that finances are tight, but try to create some personal time to treat yourself - a good book from the library, a long hot bath with a glass of wine, my favourite is going out to a Comedy Club. It might be worth checking with your doctor that you're not a bit depressed yourself - living with the constant negativity can have that effect, and it sounds like you've been through some rough times.

He needs to get to a doctor and get help. You've got a major plus in your favour; at least he recognises that something is wrong and has admitted he may be depressed. That's a major step in the right direction- he'll be far more open to getting help for it (I wish my ex would accept he's depressed!)

Mother-in-law - I'm no expert on this, there maybe someone out there who can advise you better, but I'm wondering if it's worth writing a letter to her? It does sound like she's doing her very best to undermine your marriage because she's jealous of you.

Huge hugs - you are not alone in this. Take care of youself.
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