Thread: trapped....
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Old 14th March 2014, 08:03 PM   #1
rikuro
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1
Unhappy trapped....

God... I didn't expect to write so much. I apologise in advance for boring you with my problems. If anyone has the patience to make it to the end of my story I thank you!

Hi everyone. I have been lurking on these forums for some time now and I think it's finally time for me to post and share my story. I feel I can really relate to some of the people on here. So, it's reassuring to know that I'm not alone in this.

I've been unhappy in my marriage for about 2 years now (I've only been married 3). I have a 3 year old daughter who I love deeply. I was at the age of 23 when I married and my wife was 28.

I feel I should explain how we got together in the first place as I think the circumstances were somewhat unusual...

I had decided to take a couple of years out to travel, experience the world and enjoy my youth. Starting in Indonesia, where I had a few friends. The friend with whom I was staying had a girlfriend. They had been dating for around 2 years. Previously, she had mentioned to me about him being aggressive, sometimes mentally abusive in their relationship but, I hadn't thought too much about it because they seemed to be so happy together in public. After living with them for a while, however, I witnessed first hand not only the mental but also the physical abuse she suffered at the hands of my "friend", her boyfriend. On many occasions I had to console her after an incident with her boyfriend and on more than one occasion I had to physically restrain him from doing her harm. After this, I convinced her to leave him because I know what a great girl she is and she could do better than him.
I could feel her becoming very attached to me during this time but I didn't have any feelings for her at all. Not wanting to make her situation worse, I just stayed with her to support her. She was very vulnerable and I felt pity for her. After a short time she told me that she loved me. We eventually started a relationship. Things started to move too quickly for me when she started to talk about marriage. So I began looking for a way out without doing too much damage.

My funds were running low so I decided to move on to Australia for work. Shortly after arriving in Australia I got a phone call from her... She had been to the doctor and discovered she was pregnant. I knew I had to do the right thing, so I went back to Indonesia to talk to her and her parents about it. We decided to get married. So I used what little savings I had to pay for a simple wedding. After that I went back to Australia to make money to pay the medical bills for our baby's delivery. And I guess the rest is history...

We lived together happily for a while after that. Mainly I think, because we were both busy learning how to be good parents. I knew that I didn't love my wife but maybe I was naive in thinking that it could grow between us. I love my daughter with all my heart and I only want what's best for her. But, over time I have just grown to become cold, numb and emotionless towards my wife and it's making her extremely unhappy.

I have recently taken a job in another part of the country. So, we are now facing a long distance relationship. I haven't seen my wife or daughter for almost 3 months now. It is really taking its toll on my wife. She is a very dependent person. I miss my daughter terribly. I think about her every minute. I can't say the same for my wife, however. She senses this of course and she regularly asks me if I love her and if I really care about her. Every time I find myself lying to her to spare her feelings. To make matters worse, she has started having some kind of mental break down. She regularly blacks out and when she comes to, she's covered in bruises. I just really don't know what to do.i don't want to stay trapped in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life but, on the other hand, I want to be a part of my daughter's life. Also, I'm seriously worried about the state and the mental condition of my wife. The thing is, there are no shortage of men who want, badly, to be with my wife... Good men with good jobs. Men who are willing to accept her the way she is. It just makes me wonder... what the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I appreciate her? And why is she so determined to stay with me?

The problem is, I think I have already decided that I want to end the marriage but, it just seems so impossible right now. She is not stable and I'm worried about the repercussions... She had threatened me before that she wouldn't let me see my daughter if I ever divorced her.

Any advice or any comments at all will be greatly appreciated and I apologise once again for boring you.
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