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Old 22nd December 2013, 11:18 PM   #14
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Hoping to move forward

Quote:
Originally Posted by Car111 View Post
Chosen, you are right, I certainly don't want him to move back in only to abandon me again. I want him to be certain about things when he moves back in. If he were to leave again, the door is shut permanently as I won't go through this again with him. I would divorce him and not look back. Now is our last chance. We are working hard now at putting the pieces back together. If he does move back in I want it to be for the right reasons, and I think it is a really big deal. You are right, I don't want the children to get their hopes up only for them to get their heart broken, or mine. How am I going to know when he is truly ready?

How do I get it across to him that if he moves back in I would like it to mean that we are a family again, that he is willing to spend the rest of his life with me, 'for better or worse'?

I know nothing in life is absolutely certain, but we should be able to work out any big issues in our marriage together and work through them as a team.
I think that you can only know after a long time of waiting and working and seeing if his commitment is long term. Trust take such a long time to build up again.
The only way you can make him know that you only want him to move back in if he is prepared to stay no matter what, is to tell him. I would honestly give it a year before you trust him to move in again.. That will show if he is committed or not. If he isn't prepared to wait, then that will show that he isn't committed.

I still think you need to look into why he wanted to leave, and then why he suddenly wanted to come back. There may have been a love interest that ended, and so leaving him alone and wanting to have his family back.
The reason why I think you need to do this, is because if it was for that reason, he may leave again if the opportunity comes up again, and you need to know. Can you do some investigating or speak to his family? If not bringing it up in counselling may be a good idea. People dont normally leave for no real reason
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