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Old 5th April 2005, 10:09 PM   #28
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Re: I don't love my wife and never have...

It's true that you can build a marriage on other things than love, but, in reality why should you have to ? I'm not saying that we should all keep searching for " the one " , but their comes a time when you deserve to think about your own needs and unfortunately they don't always coincide with your partners. If you can be happy with someone without loving them then there isn't a problem , I certainly wasn't looking for romantic love , more personal fulfillment and I knew deep in my heart that my husband also deserved to experience the joy of requited love, which I could never offer him.
As to involving children, most are pretty good at picking up signals if all is not well, and surely it is better ( taking into account age and ability to understand ) to be as honest as you can be with them ?
My mother left the marital home when I was 5, for 2 years she continued to return before I woke and leave after I went to bed , she may have thought it was better for me to keep up this pretence, but in effect it has made me very distrustful of people, I felt that I had been kept in the dark, and for years I couldn't allow anyone to be close to me, I felt betrayed. I would far rather , even at that tender age have known the truth and been given the time and space to come to terms with it. I try to always be honest with my children, sometimes this is hard as the youngest is autistic and very nervous of change, but handled properly and sensitively, information helps him.
Robin has said that she feels unhappy in her marriage, so surely she deserves to find out if she could be happier out of it ? She has after all spent many years trying to make it work, waiting ( sorry if I'm presuming here Robin ) for the love to grow, if it hasn't, does she not at least deserve to find out if there is someone or something greater out there for her ?
Sorry if this seems inflammatory, it isn't meant to be, it is purely my opinion. I feel as wives and mothers we give a lot of ourselves to other people, and rightly so, at some point we also have to give to ourselves.
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