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Old 8th January 2016, 12:20 AM   #1
Present82
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1
I'm falling out of love - with the love of my life.

This is my first post, anywhere, so thank you in advance for your support.

For the first time in a long time, i'm genuinely happy with myself and who I am. My self-confidence has returned, i'm very fit and healthy and at 33 years of age am excited about life, both present and future. But, I feel alone, with my self satisfaction to keep me company. I have what I consider a wonderful family and life. My wife and I have 3 children (two from my first marriage) between ages 8 and 20 mos., i'm more than gainfully employed in a profession I love. So, whats the problem? My wife, whom I love dearly and truly thought was the love of my life, has become a physically numb b-sexual, robot of a lover. We are intimate possibly twice/month, assuming I take initiative and am ok with lack of interest.
The Back Log -

I don't know that the situation started at some point, as much as it was likely present the entire time and i just wasn't willing to see it mindfully. Obviously with a busy family, were both exhausted. My wife is also a professional and has a demanding job, but were a good team - in that yes, I take off my suit after a 10 hour day, clean toilets, diaper pails, make dinner, roll on the floor with the kids and balance the finances. And, lovingly, so does she. We are kind of a dream team. We rarely argue, spend lots of quality family time together and both want the same things for our family. But, what do we want for ourselves? I want lust! I want her to rip my suit off, call me by my last name with a MR. first and rock my world. She wants to read... (Ahh you see the problem). I'm a very sexual, emotionally secure man. I write her special notes and leave them out on her car to find in the morning, I randomly send flowers to her office, or call during a really busy day for me - just to say hello. I hold her hand as often as I can and do my very best to listen to her. I love hearing about her day and the stresses she has. I rub feet (although admittedly not as often as I should but I do feel guilty if I don't when she asks which I would consider a step in the proper direction) and we both support each-other having free time away from each-other.

So, why isn't she interested in being intimate with me? I'm definitely a pleaser in bed and I think my male parts are more than adequate. I try to think about her before myself, am very patient and loving and just want to be close to her. I've tried every possible angle, conducted lots of research, and of course... We have discussed this at length! In fact, you would be surprised to learn my wife is actually a practicing marriage and family therapist - ping!

Her response is standard: too tired, too busy, kids, not feeling well....

The challenge -
I think i'm a good looking fella. I'm successful, taking very good care of myself, dress well and am mindful that the words which come out of my mouth are actually impacting. I am hit on around the office on a daily basis and at work events. I would NEVER break my vow, but I am beginning to not feel as intimately confident as I once did. What's more, i'm beginning to resent my wife and now the thought of intimacy with her is weaning. Im also not seeing her the same way; less sexually and more friendship based. Shes becoming my sister and we've only been married for 4 years.

Is this what I signed up for? To be made into a tennis shoe wearing, under sexed man with three kids and a wife who I will likely begin to despise intimately? I hate to talk about her and my family like this but, this is not me. I've always been a sharp, witty man who has not had a problem - or even had to question that part of my life.

- Very uncomfortable.
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