[Raymond]

Raymond and Chosen, the discontentment is a terrible strain. It is, as you said, a tragedy and a lie I've lived. At least until now I've spared everyone around me the grief.

I've tried at every impasse to move on and feel the "right" thing, but the wrong feelings keep coming back without my doing! It's involuntary. The voluntary part is pushing these feelings aside and/or trying to process them. To answer your question about why can't I love the one who loves me... only God knows! All I can come up with is that my heart has always nagged me I don't, but I know it would be right and good so I continue to try-- a constant battle between my heart and mind. Feelings are feelings and they apparently don't care one iota what my rational mind says.


I agree with Chosen. We cannot work up the right feelings only do right actions. The right feelings will follow if we deal with the wrong feelings.


Our feelings are servants, not masters. If we are completely subject only to our feelings then watch out. Our feelings can be liars and go against our better interests. They can also be good and energise us to do good things. We have to make choices here. We do have control.